Fear And Trembling

(album: Go Farther In Lightness - 2017)

There's a moose head hanging from a wall at a bar
At a nondescript part of the street
There's a long-haired boy making eyes at a John
By the lamplights hung from the beams
We're at the stumbling phase of the midnight waltz
At a bookend to the weirdest of weeks
Me and Arnold walk, pretty hammered and crying
"Hey, I'll miss you man, when you leave"
Hey, I'll miss you when you leave

'Cause there are feelings that are strong
And there are ones that are mixed
At the dawn of my young life's eclipse
I was a boy once, now I'm a kind-of-adult
Catching up on the cool shit I missed
'Cause we were raised where the pastors
They danced in the aisles
With a moshpit up front full of youths
So if faith is to lose the mind to win God
Then I guess I got nothing to prove
I guess I got nothing to prove

I was waiting on the future, but the future only came
In the form of greying matter, in my only father's brain
I'm not afraid of acquiescing to the trials of his old age
But of missing all the humanness he'll show when I'm away
And the part of me unspoken and the part that's self-assured
Are belligerents divergent in a psychic civil war
But I'm a crier and a fighter, not a faker and a fraud
So if losing my religion is the way to finding God

Then light it up, the shadow's in my blood
"Oh, a weary heart", they say, "it shatters it all"
So light it up, it's bound to be much worse
When you get, get, get, get back to the summer
If you get, get, get, get back to the summer at all

There's an omen now of frailty, hanging heavy from my face
A kind of existential loneliness that struts and frets a stage
And disappears unsatiated by the rhythms of the day
Still illuminating nothing but the love I turn away
And I still care about the present and the weight of circumstance
To the muckraking of cowards and a symphony of sass
While I have questions of mortality, the clear and present vast
They just yell the words "pretentious", "with no clarity or class"

So light 'em up, their shadows in my blood
"Oh, a weary heart", they say, "it shatters it all"
So line 'em up, it's bound to be much worse
Oh, when you get, get, get, get back to the summer
If you get, get, get, get back to the summer
When you get, get back to the summer
If you get, get, get, get back to the summer at all
One time

I feel everything, yeah, I feel it all
And I feel it in my bones and in my fucking skull
I feel everything, hey, I feel it all
And I never look back, oh, and I feel it in my heart attack
And I feel it all, I feel everything
And I know it's weird but I fought the fear and trembling
'Cause I feel it all, I feel everything
And I never looked back, this fear, this fear is trembling

And I waited on forever, but forever never came
Just a latent sense of loyalty to the things I love in vain
And now I'm terrified of loving 'cause I'm terrified of pain
And of missing out on human things by cowering away

So light 'em up, those shadows in my blood
"Oh, a weary heart", they say, "it shatters it all"
So light 'em up, it's bound to be much worse
Oh, when you get, get, get, get back to the summer
If you get, get, get, get back to the summer
When you get, get back to the summer
If you get, get, get, get back to the summer at all