On The Outside 2.1

(album: Don't Be Afraid - 1997)

All right now... and then the house was finally empty, nobody around. Um... I knew there'd be no other chance than right now... to express myself. Nobody around to stop me. And I... I got paper and... and a razor... and went to my room. I wanted to write about how upset I was and how much anxiety I had. I looked down...

Still dark outside the window
Fucking alarm clock, start the day in fear
It's not the fun or any sense of community
It's just trying to dull the pain
The scientists say that it's a
Different animal altogether
And driven by forces deep
Within the chest that won't let it sleep and

See the arm is sliced and
See the taken life and
See emaciation
Little scars are showing

On the outside
On the outside
On the outside
On the outside

So now they've grown up in these
Brilliantly beautiful sterile communities
Floating like the sleeper through the
Flowers and emptiness, the boring futility
So now they're educated
12 years of chains and lost opportunities
What they have learned is how to
Jump when the bell rings and fear the breakdown

See the pain inflicted and
See the vein restricted and
See the pain inside
Caressed, unfolded, delivered

To the outside
To the outside
To the outside
To the outside

It's known that nothing can be done
There's just no room for the unconverted
It's known that anything is possible
But there's nothing worth doing here

I haven't any dreams left to dream
Pretty children
I'm the angel who guards you
You've done enough
We have to move on

See the forgotten sun and
See the forsaken ones and
See them driving cars
As big as they are, as fast as they'll go and

See the eyes turned in and
See cigarette-burnt skin and
See self-loathing love
Assumed, turned up, and used

On the outside
On the outside
On the outside
On the outside

Outside
On the outside
On the outside
On the outside

I looked down and closed my eyes. I only wanted a little blood, but I didn't know how deep a... a fresh blade could cut. The blood just streamed. Um, I was really disgusted but I did it anyway. Um, I milked the wound even though it hurt... and well I wondered how in the world I was gonna hide this from mother. I tended to it myself by pulling the skin together and taping it really tight. And... I suppose I really should have gotten stitches but well, I dunno.

(Wednesday, 4:52 PM)