Suicide

(album: A Beautiful Disaster - 2020)

I don't know what I would do without you
I don't know where I would be without you
I don't know if I could breathe without you
I don't know if I could live

Give me a Xanax bar, I ain't coming down
Gas through a flame of the sparks, I can't shut it down
I been chasing these stars, the sun's coming out
The pupil in my eyes the size of a dime
My nose is runny now
Lord, please forgive me of my sins
What's it take to get these problems to start coming to an end
Buck 50 on the desk, I'm touching on the whip
And I'm thinking I'm 'bout to drive this motherfucker off a cliff
I'm a ball of flames
And if it wasn't for us, and it wasn't for love
I'd throw it all away, I would've emptied the clip
But that all switched the first time you called my name

Before you
I was out here sitting in the rain
Before you
I was out here living with the pain
Before you
I was out here wishing I could change
On a collision course, I was playing chicken with a train

You're the one that I'm loyal to
You're the one that I'm devoted to
Need a change and it's overdue
Nothing in life matters when I'm holding you

I remember that night that you asked what's on my mind
And I looked you in the eyes and I told you suicide (suicide)
Suicide (suicide)
It's like the harder I try only made me realize
Without you by my side I wouldn't even be alive (be alive)
I wouldn't be alive, without you it'd be suicide (suicide, suicide)
Without you it'd be suicide (suicide, suicide, suicide)
Only love can save me from suicide (suicide, suicide)
Without you it'd be suicide (suicide, suicide)
Only love can save me from me

Life's taking it's toll on me slowly
And you're the only one that really knows me
When we met I mixed Sprite with the codeine
If you wasn't in my life, I would've OD'd
Came through the storm, dealt with the rising flood
Levels coldhearted ice is pumping through my blood vessels
I'll never know what you see in this fucking drug dealer
Written in blood whenever I sent you a love letter
I'm going back to my hole from the start
I even swam with the sharks or alone in the dark
Cause that's all I know
Until you came and lit a match in my soul
You're who I need when I'm feeling stressed
You're the calm to my storm when I feel upset
You help every time that I feel depressed
A ticking time bomb with less than a minute left
I swear to God I could blow at any second
Been here before and never learned my lesson
I don't know why I'm always second-guessing
But you're the only one that I never question

I remember that night that you asked what's on my mind
And I looked you in the eyes and I told you suicide (suicide)
Suicide (suicide)
It's like the harder I try only made me realize
Without you by my side I wouldn't even be alive (be alive)
I wouldn't be alive, without you it'd be suicide (suicide, suicide)
Without you it'd be suicide (suicide, suicide, suicide)
Only love can save me from suicide (suicide, suicide)
Without you it'd be suicide (suicide, suicide)
Only love can save me from me

I don't know what I would do without you
I don't know where I would be without you
I don't know if I could breathe without you
I don't know if I could live