I Could Not Plan This

(album: I Could Not Plan This - 2017)

Yeah
An idle mind is where the demons roam
Last night I met fear, doubt, hurt, hate, pain
Told me, "If you don't change, then we don't go"
They'll give us life, and then we don't grow
They got me thinking, "Am I really in control now?"
This whole town doesn't really feel like home now
My family been saying, "Mark, you gotta slow it down"
Out on a date, she say, "You really on your phone?"
"Wow," living through my phone now
I've been feeling disconnected
Everyone around me, they would never get it
Do they love me 'cause I'm hurting or they get the message?
Only love me when I'm working 'cause they want percentage
I remember late night writing here to tell you the truth
Back when I was too broke, serving tables just to pay for a booth
Back when really, I had nothing to lose
Back when — ugh! Fuck it, brace yourself for the news
Last year I saw my dad pass away right in front of my eyes
A couple fake friends showed me who they were in disguise
My ex-girl told me nothing, but lies
So maybe I was just in love with who she was in my mind
I been lost inside my mind lately, I been losing track of time lately
It's like I barely know who I'm lately
I been praying for a sign lately, I been yelling at the sky lately
My only question now is "Why?" lately
Why is it I'm weak if I show the people I feel?
And why is it they told me that time is all that can heal?
When it's I who needs to heal me? Been searching for something real
And I know that we attracted the energy that we deal
I been overthinking, overthinking
And nowadays I find 'em over-drinking on a weekend
The people yelling, "Where is Mark? 'Cause we fucking need him!"
See, this is somewhere you can go when you feel like there's nothing else to believe in
I never could plan the doubt, I never could plan the pain
I never could plan the number of people screaming our name
I never could plan the love, I never could plan the hate
I never could plan that love would turn into hate when it's fake
I never could plan the fear, I never could plan the hurt
I never could plan that I will be helping people with words
I never could plan the heart that was put inside of my chest
I'm a human here with a vision, no less or more than the rest, ahh