Oxygin

(album: Nevers Road - 2019)

I know I need to learn to live with all the things I can't change
I hate the fact that I feel nothing or I'm reeling in pain
I need to shake this fucking habit, so I try, but I can't
And I look down on all the addicts when we're one and the same
Remember back, I'm pushing twenty, those were simpler times
That's when we met, and ever since you're never far from my mind
I broke my ankle playing ball, and so it's you I'm prescribed
And even through all of the pain, you make me feel I could fly
A couple weeks, and now you're gone and now I'm feeling distress
I always wanted to feel something, maybe nothing is best
My friends and family start to question if I'm feeling depressed
But I don't really give a damn, just put me back on the meds
I've been lost in my head
My homie Jack said he dealt with the same shit
He said he started drinking to deal with the pain quick
All you need is a fifth and it's cool to remain lit
So he handed me a bottle, said take about eight sips
I'm faded, but I wanna feel straight numb
So I drink the rest of the bottle, liquor burning my gums
Woke up the next day at around a quarter to one
My peers would say that "Man I had fun—right?"

I've been lying, I've been saying I'm fine
But I've been feeling low and I don't know why
Another night, I feel empty inside
Now bottle after bottle of whatever I find
Feel the weight lift off me
Someone tell my mom I'm sorry
I don't wanna lie, I've been losing my mind
They tell me "Take a pill" until I feel alright

The present day, been feeling sick, think I'm just biding my time
I take a shot of something strong to keep that shit off my mind
All my friends started families and they left you behind
And here I am drinking any can or bottle I find
My body took you in as blood and so we're never apart
Some real shit, you look closer, someone's been to my heart
But just like everything I love, you fucking tear me apart
Just like everything I love, you fucking tear me apart
I wanna be there for my son, daughter, wife—I mean my ex-wife now
I guess that time really flies when you're drunk on the couch
I wanna shake this fucking habit, I just don't know how
So you would love to see me sick until I almost drown
And so you keep me on the brink of barely living and death
As long as I'm alive, yeah, you know you'll get in my cheque
You pray my son and daughter will follow me in my steps
You'll create our loves a fact that I'm broke and broken and dead
Can go a day without food, I can't go a day without you
When I try, I get the shakes 'til my face turnes blue
Lost my job, wife, life for a bottle of booze
You promised you would make me happy, we know that's not true
I tried every drug in the book, but they never hit me the same
I told my doc that I'm down, he put some pills in my name
It doesn't matter the problem, the fix is always the same
Always taking the easy route, like I'm never willing to change, damn
I'm blaming everybody but me
With you inside my system, everybody used to love me
But now my friends, family, my kids, they can't even trust me
Been losing on my controlling, and I let you fucking become me
No more! I said "No fucking more!"
I know you think I'm lying, I said this to you before
This time I'm fucking ready, it's time to show you the door
This life is mine and never was yours

I've been lying, I've been saying I'm fine
But I've been feeling low and I don't know why
Another night, I feel empty inside
Now bottle after bottle of whatever I find
Feel the weight lift off me
Someone tell my mom I'm sorry
I don't wanna lie, I've been losing my mind
They tell me "Take a pill" until I feel alright