Happier

(album: If You Don't Like The Story Write Your Own - 2022)

Hold the pain, keep it silent

Hold the pain, keep it silent
No, my time only running out
'Bout the way that I'm smiling
Can nobody see I'm down?
Do my best to be okay
But that's [?] my feelin's allow
These thoughts slip from me always

All I think is how
Now nothing feels the same
No, nothing feels the same
Searching for where I belong
I just wanna be happier
Now, nothing feels the same
No, nothing feels the same
Learning from where I went wrong
I just wanna be happier (Yeah), yeah

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I have left to learn
Remember back when seven fifty an hour was all I earned
And Mom was working overtime, just tryna make things work
So every bill that came in the mail came with concern
I thought maybe a degree could change some things for her and me
Was even honored by the dean, that didn't matter at all
I bought the lie they sold to me at the expense of my own dreams
Said they had everything I need, just need to pay for it all
Oh, fuck that, they used to tell me, "Fuck rap, you need to take a step back
Look in the mirror, Mark, and look at yourself"
They almost had me thinking I should put my dreams on the shelf
They don't believe in me just like they don't believe in themselves
I took that chip and then I wore it proudly
Along the way I became fixated on those who doubt me
Somehow lost sight of all the blessings that were all around me
I let comparison and pressure almost fucking drown me
Was lost until I found me
I treated the world like it owed me
My self-worth came from comments from people that didn't know me
Feeling lonely, feeling like I let everybody else down
Barely recognizing anyone now, and all I think is

All I think is how
Now nothing feels the same
No, nothing feels the same
Searching for where I belong
I just wanna be happier
Now, nothing feels the same
No, nothing feels the same
Learning from where I went wrong
I just wanna be happier

I wanna partake in this rat race, don't have a lot but have faith
And how can I create when my mind is in such a bad place?
I finally made some money, but more issues is what that made
Remember thinking that I'll be happy once I reach that place
But not so much, I did it, I felt the rush
But on the way, I left some people and things I love in the dust
That's when I finally realized how now enough is never enough
I wear the smile on my face and nobody has called my bluff
I'm honest, I may have added some commas
But what's naïve to think that money could alleviate problems
I let the numbers become all the validation I seek
Now I know showing my emotions doesn't mean that I'm weak
Despite what others may think
And maybe all along happiness was a choice
And I listened to their opinions instead of my inner voice
The old me just really wanted the world to love and respect me
Now I'm sick of living life for everybody except me
So don't text me, all I want is to fucking live in the moment
Should appreciate the journey a little more and I know it
Kept around the ones I trust and cut everybody else out
Barely recognizing anyone now, and all I think is

All I think is how
Now nothing feels the same
No, nothing feels the same
Searching for where I belong
I just wanna be happier
Now, nothing feels the same
No, nothing feels the same
Learning from where I went wrong
I just wanna be happier

Searching for where I belong
I just wanna be happier now
(I just wanna—)