When I Was A Kid

(album: 30 Days - 2021)

When I was kid
Never thought that I would grow up
Never thought that God would show up
Never thought that I was enough
Yeah
When I was a kid
Always thought that dad was a genius
Always thought that bro was the meanest
Always thought that mom was the sweetest
Some days it looks bad
Some days it looks bright
Some days I can't fight
Some days it's just life
I really wish that I could go back
No regrets I'm really just sad
Never said I love you like that
Never really hugged you like that
Always just sat in the back playing Nickelback
iPod blasting Photograph
It was like a minivan soundtrack on the way to outback
After Sunday service
Learned about Daniel and the furnace
We made songs from the verses
I don't have to tell you but
I know what growing up in church is
Do what your told and the devil won't get you
I wish it was really that simple
I'm not even trying to be sinful
I'm just trying to show love
But sometimes I mess up
Like when I was a kid in Connecticut

When I was kid
When I was a
When I was a kid
When I was a

When I was a kid
I was trying to make space and escape from the place I lived
And when I was a kid
I would act out just to feel something embracing risk
And when I was a kid
If anybody talked shit first thought was to raise a fist
Just blame anything when the anger hit
And take it out on myself when I aimed and missed
So I talked it out and the doctor prescribed
He said take this it's an SSRI
We'll check in a month if you're feeling alright
Then asked if I'm focused I said well not quite
Then added a dose in for ADHD
Wasn't really sure if I could take these safely
Every time I missed a pill it would make me shaky
Wasn't really liking the way it changed me
I would rather feel low than numb
Once I got off all of that I really opened up
Emotions suck, but only when you close em shut
They're beautiful and really where the stories come
I still, mess up as it all unfolds
I weigh sin and I question what I've been told
I don't know how far I'll make it down this road
I'm just a kid trying to heal my soul