my body is a hell

And I've been running out of patience, my poems aren't as clever anymore
People say they're all too honest, but honesty is all I can afford
Maybe loss is not a bad thing, cus' maybe I can write these songs again
Or maybe now it's just a pastime, maybe I should treat it like a friend
A friend I won't see again

Cus' I don't wanna die, but truly I don't wanna be alive
I wish that I could vanish in my sheets, and turn into the puddles on your street
Cus' I don't wanna die, but truly I don't wanna be alive
I wish that I could vanish in my sheets, and turn into the grounds beneath your feet

Cus' I've been losing all my knowledge, sometimes I forget who I am
And am at the mirror, but I don't recognize that man
My mom wanted a daughter, but she'd think it was absurd
Cus' as much as I feel different, family won't accept those words
They won't love me if I'm her

But I just wanna change, and everybody tells me it's a phaze
I don't feel right as myself, with my failing mental health
And I just wanna change, but everybody tells me it's a phaze
And I don't feel right as myself, my body is a hell