Dragon Slayer

(album: Attitude City - 2015)

Why hello there. You're a very attractive young lady.
I'd like to ask you out on the hottest of dates.
I see that you have a lot of other gentlemen suitors. Allow me to make my case...

This guy plays football
But I once won the whole super bowl by myself
This guy is a weightlifter
But I can bench an entire continental shelf

That dude is a scientist
But I already cured all diseases last week
And if that's not enough lemme ask
When was last time one of these dicks killed a motherfucking mythical beast?

Oh yeah, I will rock your world
Cause I'm a dragon slayer, girl!
I shall now expose my chest
Don't act like you're not impressed

How hard did I just seal the deal
With my dragon slayer steel
Do you feel all my sexy appeal
And my story that's so very totally real

I rode up to the mountaintop
It was ninety million hundred fifty thousand hundred feet in the air
Til I found the Dragon's cave
And I fought through his army of awesome karate bears

The Dragon's breath was a blast from hell
And we fought so hard I missed a longstanding appointment for brunch
Then I swung my horse like a club
And it caused a sonic boom that ruptured space and then exploded the sun

Oh yeah, you are now in love
With both my dragon slaying nuts
I killed a demon with these hands
Did I say I'm also in a band?

In case you might need more proof
I brought the dragon right to you
Ooh! it's the one that I slew
He'll attest that my story is totally true.

Dragon dance!

I am a dragon.
Not some guy Dan met at the bus station in a dragon suit

Girl let's go back to my place
Nothing fancy, just a huge mansion in space
Can you guess what's coming next?
Here's a hint: I'm talking about sex

This is the best day of your life
You'll be my dragon slayer wife
All right! Now it's time to decide
Which lucky one of us is gonna be your lover tonight?

Oh, I see you've chosen the football player. And the scientist.
And apparently the weightlifter as well. And the dragon. And Ninja Brian. And the Manticore!?
He wasn't even in this song!