Thunder & Lightning

(album: The Prophecy - 2020)

When I was just a young man
I was wandering in the rain
Got struck by lightning in the junk
Fell to the ground in pain
But when I woke the next morning
I witnessed something odd
My nuts were supercharged
With glowing power from the gods

They were
Thunder! And Lightning!
Globes of massive strength and size
Thunder! And Lightning!
Power spheres from beyond the skies
Orbs of might, made of radiant light
Thunder! And Lightning!

I now had a new calling
I was destined to fight crime
No man could escape the justice
My meaty clackers could provide
So I bought them a little unitard
And found them a tiny cape
Then ran to the the city's toughest gang
And screamed "There's no escape!"

From the wrath of
Thunder! And Lightning!
Jewels that fell from an angel's crown
Thunder! and Lightning!
Rounded junk that'll take you down
Stones of war, tiny hammers of Thor
Thunder! And Lightning!

One with the power to electrify
One with the strength to smash
First you hear that rumble baby
And then you see the flash!
My loins are filled like darkened clouds
Evil has no chance
All shall tremble before the storm
That gathers in my pants
Turns out being struck by lighting
Doesn't give you any powers
They caved my head in with a pipe
And beat me for several hours

But as I lay there half-conscious
With my nuts exposed to air
I looked up to the blackened sky
And said an ancient prayer:
"Lord, if you're there
Please infuse my nuts with the power of a thousand suns"
Holy shit, you're real?!

Let there be
Thunder! And Lightning!
Acorns shot from the tree of life
Thunder! And Lightning!
High voltage nugs lighting up the night
Mighty balls gifted from Odin's halls
Thunder! And Lightning!

Suck 'em!