Medics Don't Heal Scouts

(album: Random Encounters: Season 5 - 2015)

[SCOUT:]
Hey Medic! Don't go!
Please, my health bar's pretty low!

[MEDIC:]
Look, the Heavy needs my help!
I'm a busy man, you know!

[SCOUT:]
Come on, show me some compassion!
Forget the status quo!

[MEDIC:]
Sorry, Medics… don't heal Scouts!

[SCOUT:]
Hey, c'mon, Doc, I'm dying' here!

[MEDIC:]
Clearly…

[SCOUT:]
Wait, Doc, I'm in pain!
Any moment, I'll be slain!
There's a bullet in my chest

[MEDIC:]
And a screw loose in your brain…

[SCOUT:]
Oh, the lights are fading quickly~

[MEDIC:]
This is only just a sprain.
That's why Medics… don't heal Scouts!

[SCOUT:]
"Uh, I also got stabbed in the ankle-"

[MEDIC:]
"Go find a Health Kit."

[SCOUT:]
I'm begging on my knees here
Cause it hurts too much to stand!
I'm the fastest frigging member of your team!

[MEDIC:]
"True, but-"

You're also pretty puny,
With the IQ of a crayon,
And you have the most unhealthy self esteem!

[SCOUT:]
"That's not true! I think I'm AWESOME!"

Doc, give me one chance!
Yes, I know your frigging stance!
But my heart's starting to fail me,
And I think I crapped my pants
You can stitch me, saw me, sew me
Embed frigging dove implants

[MEDIC:]
"…deal!"

[SCOUT:]
"Really?"

[MEDIC:]
"Yes, but just this once, though, because-"

[BOTH:]
Medics… don't heal Scouts!