Home For The Holidays

(album: Ray Stevens Christmas: Through A Different Window - 1997)

Yes, ma'am. Well, alright. We'll see you then
Honey!

We're going home for the holidays
Pack me lots of medication
Home for the holidays
Another dysfunctional celebration

I swore this year, that we'd stay here
And start our own tradition
But when I tried, Momma cried
And brought up Daddy's heart condition

So we'll pack the car
Face the maddening throng
The family we've successfully
Avoided all year long

There's insidious Uncle Louie
He'll be hitting on all the wives
Crazy Aunt Loretta
This year don't let her near the knives
And of course we'll hear
"Mom, he's in my chair! Make him move! You gave it to me!"
That'll be my older brother
The doctor of psychiatry

Home for the holidays
Lots of interstate congestion
Home for the holidays
Nervous stress and indigestion
In the sibling rivalry
Mind-numbing conversation
We're going home for the holidays
All across the nation

You know we'll have to board the puppy
Yeah, he wouldn't survive our nephew Dave
I still wake up screaming
Dreaming of last year's cat in the microwave

Home for the holidays
Pack me lots of medication
Home for the holidays
Another dysfunctional celebration

I swore this year, that we'd stay here
But when I tried, Momma cried
Brought up Daddy's heart condition

In the sibling rivalry
Mind-numbing conversation
We're going home for the holidays
All across the nation