Bad Little Boy

(album: Ray Stevens Christmas: Through A Different Window - 1997)

Thanksgiving is all over and my dad put up the tree
Looks like a merry Christmas for everyone but me
'Cause I ain't getting nothing this Christmas
Not even one little toy
They say I ain't getting nothing at all this Christmas
'Cause I've been a bad little boy
My mommy screamed when she found my pet gerbil
In my little baby sister's basinette
They say my little baby sister has a soft spot in her
Head
But I haven't found it yet
And dad yelled just 'cause I took the riding mower
For a little trip down to the candy store
And my big brother Brett, boy did he get upset
When I told mom about the magazines in his bottom
Drawer
So, I ain't getting nothing this Christmas
And last christmas I was everybody's pride and joy
But they say I ain't getting nothing at all this
Christmas
'Cause I've been a bad little boy
I was hoping I might get a chemistry set or a
Motorcycle
Or something like that
But that's before I used Brett's model rocket set
And made an astronaut out of Miss Wilcox's cat
Stupid cat
If he'da just held on tight like I told him
I wouldn'a had to super glue his little paws to the
Rocket
Yeah, if he'da just been still like I told him
He wouldn'a thrown the rocket off course
And he wouldn'a landed in Butch the bull dog's back
Yard
Stupid cat
But did the cat get in trouble? No! But
Hey, I ain't getting nothing this Christmas
Not even one little toy
They all say I ain't getting nothing this Christmas
'Cause I've been a bad little boy
Oh, my grandma had to go to the hospital
Yeah, but don't worry, she's not really sick
She just had a little trouble walking for awhile
After I showed her my Power Ranger kick
So, I ain't getting nothing this Christmas
Not from mom or dad or brett or Grandma
They all say I ain't getting nothing at all this
Christmas
But they don't know my grandpa!
My grandpa'd give me anything I want I bet
"Boys will be boys," that's what Grandpa says
"Lighten up bill, he's just a little kid!"
My grandpa calls my dad "Bill!"
I just hope my grandpa doesn't find out
Who took his Great Big Bertha golf clubs though
It's true what they say about the Great Big Bertha
I can hit a rock farther with a Great Big Bertha
Than with any of my dad's golf clubs
Even with the big dents I put in it
That rock just goes and goes
One rock went through Miss Wilcox's window
Wish it'da hit that stupid cat
I hate that cat