(If) The Book Doesn't Sell

(album: Her And All Of My Friends - 2019)

More so than me
She knows my name
And more so than me
Understands this pain
I'm either too lost
Or not lost enough
I think I'm too smart
For this type of love
I wasn't sent off
But straight to the ground
And I know God best
Is one with no crown

Don't know why the past affects me in this way
Don't know where I'll go if I leave here today
But I know my limits, and you're not the type
To be fooling around in this way
No reason you're here but there's reasons to stay
Not as easy to know as it's easy to say
'Cause to my family and my friends, I can't think of one thing
That I gain
But more for me
And more for me
More for me

Age 14-at midnight, I hear voices from the kitchen
I let my feet follow the sound as I let my ears listen
I walk upstairs and at the kitchen table, I can see
That God is sitting with the Devil, sharing drinks and old stories
The floorboard creaks, a red embarrassment floods all throughout God's face
He swears that it's not what it looks like, then he swears he can explain
The Devil speaks, "Your God and I put all our differences to rest And a man's actions are his own, but man will blame us nonetheless."
The Devil stands, he grabs his keys and straightens out a rusted crown
He tells me, "Hell is frozen over, heaven burned down to the ground
And you have only got one life, so do with it what you would like
We solemnly apologize, but we won't be there when you die."
And I stand cold and alone in a body that won't move
Watching the eyes of these gods that I once knew
One pair looks down in a half-hearted lie
While the other looks straight into mine with a whole truth
Lacking the fear I've been told that God deserves
I say, "What good is a prayer that goes unheard?"
He says, "What hope could they find in a book
If the book doesn't sell and the pages stay unturned?"

And with a wink, the Devil turns and exits the back door
And God is standing there in silence with his eyes glued to the floor
But then he speaks, "I am no savior, but I give them what they need
And there has never been a dreamer who prefers reality
The war for truth is raging on, but it's not one you have to fight
And if it is the truth you want, then it is hope you'll sacrifice
It's yours to choose."
And you can choose
This is not the way I am, this is just how I was raised
So let me make up my own mind, let me map out my own way
And to the parents of the kids who's tongues are in their throats
Because of tears that you will cry if you don't stick to what they know
I'm sure you're giving it your best, and I am sure it takes a toll
But whether God given or not, our lives are not to be controlled
Just let us choose