Trapped In The Closet (Chapter 13)

(album: Trapped In The Closet: Chapters 13–22 - 2007)

Come and take a walk with me
Through the streets of Chi-Town
Let's look back
And reminisce on all of the shit that went down

Pastor Rufus Longs comes home to find his wife been sleeping around with Sylvester (Oh, shit)
Sylvester's cell phone rings; he comes outta the closet pointing his Beretta (Oh, shit)
Then they go through this thing: arguing, fussing, then time goes by
And then Cathy finds out about Rufus' lover Chuck, the gay guy (Oh, shit)
And then Sylvester calls home, never knowing that a man would answer his phone (Oh, shit)

Then he got to his house; bust up in it
To find his wife, Gwendolyn
She was fucking around with this sausage-head-assed policeman
And then they got into a fight (Oh, shit)
Wrestling over a gun (Oh, shit)
And Gwen screaming "Stop!" Next thing you know
They shot her brother Twan (Oh, shit)
It was just a lick; he was barely hurt
Now here comes Rose, the nosy neighbor
She thinks she's the neighborhood Savior

And then things got real twisted (Oh, shit)
Police got home in his kitchen (Oh, shit)
To find his wife Bridget (Oh, shit)
Is pregnant by this midget
Well, so far, that's how the story goes
And now it's time to continue on
So get ready:
Here is chapter 13

Sylvester and Twan get in a car; Sylvester says, "Man, first of all, straighten yo hat
Now, man, I'm about to go holla at somebody, and I'mma need you to watch my back."
Then Twan says, "Man, you ain't even gotta worry 'bout me, bra-lou, I'm straight."
Sylvester says, "Yeah, you straight, a'ight, witcha hot-headed ass, nigga, just like when you caught that case."
Twan says, "Aw, here we go, you bringing that shit up. That wasn't shit but a misdemeanor."
Sylvester says, "Misdemeanor, my ass. You did three years."
Twan says, "Yeah, that was because of Roxanne and that bitch, Tina."

"Man...yo sister asked me about a Tina."
Twan says, "When I see her, I'mma kill her. What did Gwen ask you?"
"She asked me if I knew her; I said she sound familiar."
Sylvester says, "Hold up. Man, what you doin'?"
And then Twan says, "Man, what you mean?"
Then Sylvester says, "Man, is that a cigarette?"
Twan says, "Man, nah. This some weed."
Sylvester pulled (Whoo) over, saying, "Aw, HELL naw."
"Nigga, what the--?"
"You forget where we are?"
Twan say, "One for the road."
Sylvester say, "You crazier than a fish with titties if you think I'mma let you smoke that shit up in my car. Now throw that shit out."
Twan looks at Sylvester like he ain't trying to hear that
Sylvester says, "Throw that shit out."
Twan looks around and say, "Shit," and throws it out

They pull off and Sylvester says, "Now this Roxanne and Tina, man, what's that all about?"
Now, while they talk about that, let's head on over to Rosie the nosy neighbor's house
She's peeking out her window, saying, "There's something going on over there with Bernadine and Ted."
Then her husband turns over and says, "Woman, what's wrong with you? Bring yo old, nosy ass back to bed."
She says, "Now, Randolph, I don't like that tone you taking with me."
He says, "Oh, shut up, woman; you always invoking, give them folk they privacy."
Rosie says, "I can look out my God-damned window whenever I want."
Randolph say, "Yeah? Well, what you looking at? What you looking at? Hmm?"

Now Rosie and Randolph are arguing, screaming at each other loud as they can
Rosie says, "Randolph, ain't nobody studding you, so go on back to sleep with yo old, grumpy ass."
Then Randolph say, "Shut yo ass up, woman! Shit! Folk gotta get some sleep around here."
Then Rosie say, "Sleep? Shit! Mr. Can't-Get-It-Up, yo tired ass been sleep for the last five years!"
"Now, watch yo mouth, woman!"
"Go to Hell, Randolph! You don't tell me what to do!"
("Can't nobody tell you nothin'! Yeah? Yeah?")
"I'm a grown-ass woman; I can do whatever the hell I want to do."
"Well, do it, then."
"I'mma do it, then."
"Do it, then."
"I'mma do it, then."
"Go on, look."
"I'mma look."
"And I hope a pigeon fly by here and shit on yo face."
(Rosie gasps)
"Oh, Lord, forgive me for what I have said; this woman got..."
"If it do--if it do--then I'm gonna wipe the shit on you!"

Now meanwhile, between-while, back to Sylvester and Twan
They driving along when Twan says, "So, man, where we goin'?"
Sylvester says, "Man, don't worry about that; just be on the lookout, and Twan?
Yo hat."
"Oh, my bad."
"Gimme a light."
(The lighter is handed over)
"Now, when we pull up, you keep the car in drive and whatever you do, keep on watching."
"Man, like I said before, don't trip, bra-lau, go handle yo business."

"Now, I'm about to see if I can get this bitch to talk to me. We made a deal and she owes me some money."
"Man, I feel you, G, so call me if you need me."
"Man, everything should go smooth."
"Sylvester, don't make me have to come up in there and smack me a couple of--"