I Don't Like Who I Was Then

(album: No Closer To Heaven - 2015)

Tossed around like sea glass and you rounded out my edges.
I'll feel better when the headaches go away.
I got a scar across my forehead, turning purple in the cold
From a night at Shore Memorial.
I was 16 and afraid.
Turned away, like I'm working baby face
Out of Mid-South in the 80's.
I kept a blade hidden in my wrist tape.

I think I'm growing into someone you could trust.
I want to shoulder the weight until my back breaks,
I want to run until my lungs give up.
If I could manage not to fuck this up.
If I could manage not to fuck this up.
I think enough is enough.

Hidden in the tall grass in the naked light of day,
I put my past-self in the ground.
I've been dancing on the grave.
I'm not the person that I was then,
I'm tearing him away.
I was bitter. I was careless.
I was 19 and afraid

But you deserved more from me.
I don't know why I would say those things.
But you deserved more from me and I'm trying every day.

I think I'm growing into someone you could trust.
I want to shoulder the weight until my back breaks,
I want to run until my lungs give up.
If I could manage not to fuck this up.
If I could manage not to fuck this up.
I think enough is enough.

You left me walking in circles.
You were a shot in the dark.
You were the baby teeth I buried.
You were the sounds of distant cars.

You left me walking in circles.
You were a shot in the dark.
You were the banner that says "No One"
That I tattooed across my heart.

You left me walking in circles.
You were a shot in the dark.
You're scattered like ashes across every song that I write.
You're where the light pollution starts.

I think I'm growing into someone you could trust.
I want to shoulder the weight until my back breaks,
I want to run until my lungs give up.
If I could manage not to fuck this up.
If I could manage not to fuck this up.
Enough is enough.