Rugbuggery

(album: Hip Hop Hooray - 2017)

Hello, it's Dan Bull
Some of you know this already but a while ago I was diagnosed with quite a severe allergy to Broccoli
But uh, quite a bit of time has passed since then and I might have developed an immunity
Let's find out
That's all right

They call me Douglby
I tackle issues like ruggleby
A blend of gentlemanliness and thuggery
I'll glass you, with some very expensive bubbly
Bloody luxury
Bone cutlery protrudes from your wounds
Buggery
Ooh, a scrummage
Lovely jubbly
A useful excuse to induce you to cuddle me
The two teams squeeze together quite snugly
Rummaging and fumbling with undiscovered subtlety
Beneath the scrummaging we're being all couply
I'm roughly as politically correct as little Huckleberry Finn
Using epithets no longer customary
I'll get with your ex then apply for custody
Of your little buggers then we'll bugger of to Tuscany
I'm in your cufflinks and tux living comfortably
Bloody luxury
Being you? Sucks to be

Whether you rap
Whether you rock
Or whether you roll
I insist that you relinquish all control
We're playing rugby and the ball's your soul
So pass it back to Douglby and we'll all go home

Rap's raconteur, back on tour
I'll blap a crap reviewer
Sacre bleu, heh
That's one fewer wrongdoer
I'm long due an apology
And I want you to give one to me
If you ever listened to a rapper and it wasn't me
I'll pull off my tracky bottoms and give you a tracheotomy
I'll leave you looking like a child eating broccoli
Ticking you off, saying "chew your food properly"
I operate a strict sick lyrics only policy
So originality's a pretty big priority
I lyrically precede the Iliad and Odyssey
They found my lyric pad within a Celtic monastery
Follow Gilgamesh's genaeology through Ptolemy
Anyone of quality, they probably just copied me
So are my sonnets prophecy or an anomaly?
A little bit of column A, a bit of column B

Whether you rap
Whether you rock
Or whether you roll
I insist that you relinquish all control
We're playing rugby and the ball's your soul
So pass it back to Douglby and we'll all go home