All I Wanna Do Is Play Cards

(album: Hair In My Eyes Like A Highland Steer - 2005)

Well, I guess I really oughta' be making up songs
But all I wanna do is play cards
I know it's dumb and sick and wrong
But all I wanna do is play cards
I got the studio booked in Tennessee
And my record producer's calling me
The tape will roll in just three weeks
And all I wanna do is play cards

They wanna book the band for a rodeo dance
And all I wanna do is play cards
The contact claims they got five grand
But all I wanna do is play cards
My agent says we oughta' take the show
But tell you the truth I don't wanna go
There's this real good game of split high low
And all I wanna do is play cards

Crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and cowboy pitch
Blackjack, eight or better, hold 'em, and draw, chase the bitch
Acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black Mariah
Smear and low Chicago man, the stakes keep getting higher

I could skate for free in the hockey league
But all I wanna do is play cards
Tattooed young dark haired girls call me
And all I wanna do is play cards
There's famous people'd like to write with me
And the beer at the Black Dog's usually free
The whole damn world's an oyster to me
And all I wanna do is play cards

We're on the radio in El Paso
And all I wanna do is play cards
Finally got a little bit of press in T.O
And all I wanna do is play cards
They're buying the records out in Amsterdam
There's rock tours booked in far off lands
But I'm feeling kinda gambley
And all I wanna do is play cards

Crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and racehorse pitch
Blackjack, eight or better, hold 'em, and draw, chase the bitch
Acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black Mariah
Smear and low Chicago man, the stakes keep getting higher

I don't see much of my friends these days
'Cause all I wanna do is play cards
Except Whitey and Gravy, they like a game
And all I wanna do is play cards
My neighbor Brent says I got a problem
But he don't know 'cause nobody taught him
To bet the best when you know you got 'em
And all I wanna do is play cards

Crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and cowboy pitch
Blackjack, eight or better, hold 'em, and draw, chase the bitch
Acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black Mariah
Smear and low Chicago man, the stakes keep getting higher

Contract bridge and spades and whist and kinds and little ones
Canasta, hearts, and spite, and malice, kings make little ones
Whores and fours and one-eyed bores
House rules that ain't acknowledged
And them games you learned at vet school and at agricultural college

Chinese rummy, Greek Manila, Omaha, Dutch chase
Start 'em when they're young with fish, and war, and crazy eights
Twenty one and thirty one and seven twenty seven
Well, if I don't play for money hon, will I still get to heaven

Three card brag and three card monte, razz and deuce to seven
Melding sets and red dog bets and counting cards with Kevin
Between the sheets and screw your neighbor, let it ride, strip poker
Old man on the corner playing pina cola poker