Going Through Changes

(album: Recovery - 2010)

I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes

Lately I really feel like I'm rolling for delf like Philly
Feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely
Apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complaining
But life keeps on complicating, and I'm debating
On leaving this world this evening
Even my girls can see I'm grieving
I try and hide it
But I can't. Why do I act like I'm all high and mighty
When inside I'm dying
I am finally realizing I need help
Can't do it myself. Too weak. Two weeks I've been having ups and downs
Going through peaks and valleys
Dilly-dallying 'round with the idea of ending the shit right here
I'm hating my reflection. I walk around the house tryna fight mirrors
I can't stand what I look like, yeah. I look fat, but what do I care?
I give a fuck. Only thing I fear is Hailie
I'm afraid if I close my eyes and I might see her
Shit

I'm going through changes
I'm going through changes

I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom, napping at noon
Yeah, dad's in a bad mood, he's always snapping at you
Marshall, what happened that you can't stop with these pills?
And you falling off with your skills?
And your own fans are laughing at you?
It become a problem. You're too pussy to tackle, get up
Be a man, stand. A real man would've had this shit handled
Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed
They say Proof just flipped out, homie just whipped out and bust
Nah, it ain't like Doody to do that
He wouldn't fucking shoot at nobody, he'd fight first
But dwelling on it only makes the night worse
Now I'm popping Vics, Percs and Methadone pills
"Yeah, Em, tight verse. You killed it."
Fucking drug dealers hang around me like yes men
And they gon' do whatever I says when I says it
It's in their best interest to protect their investment
And I just lost my fucking best friend. So, fuck it, I guess then

I'm going through changes
(Don't know what I'm gonna do)
I'm going through changes
(But I just keep on going through changes)

My friends can't understand this new me
That's understandable, man, but think how bananas you'd be
You'd be an animal too, if you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo
And everybody's looking at you. What you want me to do?
I'm starting to live like a recluse
And the truth is
Fame's starting to give me an excuse
To be at a all-time low
I sit alone in my home theater watching the same damn DVD
Of the first tour. The last tour he was still alive
And it hurts. So, I fast forward. Sleeping pills will make me feel alright
And if I'm still awake in the middle of the night
I'll just take a couple more. Yeah, you're motherfucking right
I ain't slowing down for no one, I am almost homeward bound
Almost in a coma. Yeah, homie, come on dole 'em out
"Daddy, don't you die on me. Daddy, better hold your ground."
Fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice?
Yeah, baby hold me down

I'm going through changes
(Don't know what I'm gonna do)
I'm going through changes
(But I just keep on going through changes)

Wake up in the hospital, full of tubes, but somehow I'm pulling through
Swear when I come back I'mma be bulletproof
I'mma do it just for Proof. I think I should state a few
Facts, 'cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth
Shit, it just hit me that what if I would not've made it through?
I think about the things I would've never got to say to you
I'd never get to make it right. So, here's what I came to do
Hailie, this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina, too
I still love your mother, that'll never change
Think about her every day. We just could never get it together
Hey, wish there was a better way for me to say it
But I swear on everything: I'd do anything for her on any day
There are just too many things to explain
When it rains, guess it pours. Yes, it does
Wish there wasn't any pain
But I can't pretend there ain't
I ain't placing any blame
I ain't pointing fingers. Heaven knows I've never been a saint
I know that it feels like we just pissed away our history
And just today I looked at your picture, almost if to say
"I miss you" subconsciously. Wish it didn't end this way
But I just had to get away. Don't know why
I don't know what else to say. I guess I'm

I'm going through changes
(Don't know what I'm gonna do)
I'm going through changes
(But I just keep on going through changes)