Old Dun Cow

(album: Winners & Boozers - 2013)

Some friends and I in a public place
Were playing cards one night
When into the room a fireman ran
His face all chalky while
"What's up?", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost
Or have you seen you aunt Mariah?"
"Me aunt Maria be buggered!", says he
"The bleeding pub's on fire!"

"Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck
Everybody follow me
Ands it's down to the cellar
If the fire's not there
Then we'll have a grand old spree"
So we all went down with good old Brown
The booze we could not miss
And we hadn't been in there ten minutes or more
Till we were all quite pissed

And there was Brown upside down
Lapping up the Whiskey on the floor
"Let's booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knocking on the door
O don't let, 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted: "MacIntyre!" MacIntyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the old Dun Cow caught fire

Then Smith walked over to the port wine tub
And he gave it a few hard knocks
The he started taking off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks
"Oh, no!" says Brown, "that ain't allowed
You can't do that thing here
Don't wash your trousers in the port wine tub
When we got guinness beer!"

And the there came a mighty crash
Half the bloody roof caved in
We were almost drowned by the firemen's hose
But I swear it tastes like gin
So we got some tacks and some old wet sacks
And nailed ourselves inside
And we sat there drinking down pints of Stout
Till we were bleary-eyed

And there was Brown upside down
Lapping up the Whiskey on the floor
"Let's booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knocking on the door
O don't let, 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted: "MacIntyre!" MacIntyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the old Dun Cow caught fire

Then there came from the old back door
The vicar of the local church
And when he saw our drunken ways
He began to scream and curse
"Ah, you drunkend sods! You heathen clods
You've take to a drunken spree
You drank up all the benedictine wine
And you didn't save a drop for me!"

Late that night, when the fire was out
We came up from the cellar below
Our pub was burned, our booze was drunk
Our heads was hanging low
"Oh look!", says Brown with a look quite queer
Something raised his eye
"We gotta get down to Murphy's Pub
It closes on the hour!"

And there was Brown upside down
Lapping up the Whiskey on the floor
"Let's booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knocking on the door
O don't let, 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted: "MacIntyre!"

And there was Brown upside down
Lapping up the Whiskey on the floor
"Let's booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knocking on the door
O don't let, 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted: "MacIntyre!" MacIntyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the old Dun Cow caught fire