Diet Coke / inside

(album: Forward / Slash - 2022)

Aspartame isn't the same as real sugar
Drinking Diet Coke never made me sweeter at all
Just smaller than I was before
Thought that if I were less of myself, maybe he would want me more

But then the other day
I was on the internet
I read that aspartame might be a carcinogen
Am I at higher risk of cancer than all of my friends?

I'll change my body and my hobbies
Switch from regular to diet
Used to wonder if being skinny would be worth it if I could die from it
But then I found out being loved and being small feel synonymous
So I don't know

If I could do it all again
Would I still drink Diet Coke?

Nothing feels as good as water on an empty stomach
Chewing sugar-free gum to try and curb my hunger
All my friends tell me I'm more than just "some stupid number"
But nothing will taste as good as being small for summer

I'll change my body and my hobbies
Switch from regular to diet
Used to wonder if being skinny would be worth it if I could die from it
But then I found out being loved and being small feel synonymous
So I don't know

If I could do it all again
Would I still drink Diet Coke?

The only thing I ate today
Was a Tylenol to cure the sweetener headache
And if everything has side effects
Starving myself for confidence feels like a fair trade

I'll change my body and my hobbies
Switch from regular to diet
Used to wonder if being skinny would be worth it if I could die from it
But then I found out being loved and being small feel synonymous
So I guess I already know

If I could do it all again
If I could do it all again
If I could do it all again
I would still drink Diet Coke

Oh, I just like the way it tastes

Every t-shirt that I own is two sizes too big
Don't want anyone to know I have a body
But even if I started wearing clothes that actually fit
My skin is so tight, I can't breathe comfortably

So it stretches so thin it breaks
And that leaves little lines that are both angry and sad
And I am embarrassed and ashamed
Of the red and purple stretch marks that litter my entire lower half

So I try to make myself look as small as I feel
I hunch my shoulders and avert my eyes
And pray to God that somebody can see the appeal
Of a person whose only pretty on the inside