Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?

(album: Zappa In New York - 1978)

Honey honey
Baby don't you want a man like me
Honey honey
Baby don't you want a man like me
He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
His fav'rite phrase was "OUTA-SITE!"
He had an Irish Setter
It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
The moon was dim, the band was tight
They did the Bump together
What a splendid sight, her teeth were white
The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite)
He was glad that he met her
She was an office girl (her name was Betty)
Her fav'rite group was HELEN REDDY
(They discussed the weather)

[CHORUS REPEAT]

She was a lonely sort, just a little too short
Her jokes were dumb and her fav'rite sport
Was hockey (in the winter)
He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
Any sport with a PUCK had to be 'bout the best
As he jabbed his elbow in her (get it honey?)
Later on they went off to where the music was soft.
The candles were drippy, they saw a REAL HIPPY
Who delivered their dinner
The rice was brown, and soon they found
That the crowd around that had jammed the room,
Well it seemed to be getting thinner

[CHORUS REPEAT]

He took her home to a motor court
She wouldn't kiss him, he tried to ignore it,
But it made him angry!
He called her a slut, a pig and a whore
A bitch and a cunt and she slammed the door
In a petulant frenzy!
On the sofa she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she weeps
BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
She weeps and she peeps
Through the curtain
He just got in his car
But the battery's dead
So he asks to use the phone
And she gives him some head
And that's the end of the story

[CHORUS REPEAT]