Persevere

(album: Go Farther In Lightness - 2017)

I never got to kiss your head, ah, Emme
And the call came the week I got divorced
I thought I had a real understanding then of loss
But I didn't know a thing 'til you were gone
And I'm tired of trying to find some sort of meaningful thing
In making sense of such unspeakable loss
But as I'm staring at your folks, the sweetest people I know
I get a glimpse of what it is to be strong
Just holding hands and sobbing with sunglasses on

'Cause nothing tuned me in to absurdity as fast
As a gravestone with the name of a baby that has passed
I used to wanna be important, now I just wanna be alive
And without fear
You got to persevere

I couldn't count the times I've ragged on heaven
As an opiate invented by the weak
It's an argument I hate 'cause I'm content to love the fates
But it comes up a lot with Emme's dad and me
So I'm shotgun in the car and we're just shooting the shit
And predictably, the talking turns to God
So I throw him forty lines how I don't think he exists
And he just smiles and takes a dignified pause
Says, "It's okay to feel unbelievably lost"

But God is full of grace and his faithfulness is vast
There is safety in the moments when the shit has hit the fan
Not some vindictive motherfucker, nor is he shitty at his job
What words to hear
And I'm a mess by now
'Cause nothing tuned me in to my failure as fast
As grieving for a friend with more belief than I possessed
"It's not some disembodied heaven," he assured me
Then he laughs and says through tears
"You got to persevere"
Persevere
Persevere
Persevere

We threw a party up in here, but God, it was bittersweet
I live hard 'cause I am scared that I won't mean anything
So now I'm praying to the ceiling, to the windows, to the walls
Against this sudden sinking feeling that there's nothing there at all
And still
We just persevere