Maybe

(album: Gazebo - 2017)

I just wanna feel alive
Maybe I should start smoking?
Maybe I should tell her how I feel
Maybe I should go and get my heart broken
Maybe I should take a long walk
Maybe I should put my got damn phone down
Maybe I should do a lil more
Maybe I should stop by my grandmas house
I was thinking 'bout a sunny day
I was wondering how to make my dad proud of the son he raised
I was wondering how these kids get hooked on these one-a-days
Funny thing, I be looking at em in a judgey way
Truth is, I ain't never felt like I should run a way
I ain't never had to live a life that I fucking hate
I know people living with a never ending stomach ache

But I been wondering if I'm really happy
I ain't sad, I'm just wondering if I'm really happy
I been wondering if this shit that I been chasing
Gon' be gratifying for me when it really happens
I should be feeling blessed to just be breathing
Lately I can't seem to fight the stress and all the demons
Lately I just seem to treat the sex like an achievement
Going deeper with no depth and all I left 'em with is some semen
I hope that shit was worth it
Look at the mistakes that made me grow into this person
I been seeing all the flaws 'fore I notice when it's perfect

I just wanna feel alive
Maybe I should start smoking?
Maybe I should tell her how I feel
Maybe I should go and get my heart broken
Maybe I should take a long walk
Maybe I should put my got damn phone down
Maybe I should do a lil more
Maybe I should stop by my grandmas house
I was thinking 'bout a sunny day
I was wondering how to make my dad proud of the son he raised
I was wondering how these kids get hooked on these one-a-days
Funny thing, I be looking at em in a judgey way
Truth is, I ain't never felt like I should run a way
I ain't never had to live a life that I fucking hate
I know people living with a never ending stomach ache

All that you been bringing me is self doubt
I feel like they leeching all my health now
Ain't nobody thinking for themselves now
All they worried 'bout is if they need you
Can you help now?
No
All this shit gon' bring me to a meltdown
Woah
I done spent some weeks in the dark
Only listening to beats in a seat tryna start
On these words and accelerate the beat from my heart
Searching for that high again
And I want that shit to last me more than
5 or 10 minutes at a time, take control of my environment
Choosing how my time is spent, gotta let you know that
Anybody with me in the middle of the night is liable to become my psychiatrist
Ain't it funny how that goes
Everything been good, I just wanted you to know
I been growing up

I just wanna feel alive
Maybe I should start smoking?
Maybe I should tell her how I feel
Maybe I should go and get my heart broken
Maybe I should take a long walk
Maybe I should put my got damn phone down
Maybe I should do a lil more
Maybe I should stop by my grandmas house
I was thinking 'bout a sunny day
I was wondering how to make my dad proud of the son he raised
I was wondering how these kids get hooked on these one-a-days
Funny thing, I be looking at em in a judgey way
Truth is, I ain't never felt like I should run a way
I ain't never had to live a life that I fucking hate
I know people living with a never ending stomach ache