Wishful Thinking

(album: Loose Threads - 2020)

Hateful eyes staring back at me
They scream revulsion like I'm a fucking disease
Self-hate has completely consumed me
And it comes as no surprise, I think I want to die
Has my luck run out?
Haunted by these voices, I don't have any doubts
Now there's nothing left to hide
Sometimes I want to die

Get these ghosts out of my head
Get them out, get them out, get them out
Let me tell you something about hating yourself
It brings with it a lifetime full of agony
Of broken promises and broken dreams
And you know what they say about misery
That fucking cunt just loves her company

And no one could have predicted this
At twenty-eight, my life's a goddamn mess
Tried my best, tried to be stronger
I hope this bullshit doesn't last much longer

I never meant for you to see
The awful bit of darkness locked up inside of me
I buried it deep along with my fears
And promised not to let it out after all these years
And I'd do anything to bring myself back to life
'Cause the whole time I wanted to die
All I ever wanted was to feel alive

Hateful eyes are staring back at me
They scream revulsion like I'm a fucking disease
Self-hate has completely consumed me
And it comes as no surprise, I think I want to die

I am nothing
Nothing more than a common disease
Less than nothing
A fucking parasite who's just dying to feel
I am nothing
Nothing more than a common disease
Less than nothing
A fucking parasite, a fucking parasite

I never meant for you to see
The awful bit of darkness locked up inside of me
I buried it deep along with my fears
And promised not to let it out after all these years
And I'd do anything to bring myself back to life
'Cause the whole time I wanted to die
All I ever wanted was to feel alive
Feel alive