Undesirable Element (Lovebox)

(album: What We Did Today - 2017)

So far everything's going swimmingly
I'm feeling overconfident (Yeah)
Standing at the gates with my arms straight out
Just chatting to the bouncers all nonchalant
But I'm suddenly aware of this movement below me
Something's circling my trainers (What?)
And in a split second I realize I'm fucked
There's no way this is gonna be painless, the dog barks
And before I can pull myself together
Swiftly approaches a PC (Beautiful)
She looks me dead in the eye and says
"Sir I know you're carrying something you shouldn't be"
And then she says, "Put your palms together"
And takes me in this weird thumb hold thing
Leading me through that gawping crowd
Oh, my mum, she woulda been so proud
So now I'm sitting on a bench in a holding cell
Thinking I'm way too old for this shit
And there's not much to do but take off my shoes
And hand over my disco biscuits
And she's thanking me for my compliance
And saying, "You seem quite honest to me sir...
But we still need to do a very thorough strip search,
I'm afraid it's just standard procedure"

I was only looking for a good time officer
Good time, good time, good time
I was only looking for a good time officer
Good time, good time (Oh yeah, come on)

Now I'm standing there in my birthday suit
With my crown jewels pulled to one side
And there's a neon sign that keeps flashing in my mind
It says "Not quite dignified"
And if you combine the two ages of the officers watching
I doubt it was more than 36, and I'm thinking...
"I bet you didn't sign up to spend all your weekends,
Inspecting strangers' dicks"
I pull on my clothes and join the rest of the criminals
Making various protests, standing in line to be processed
Interview, autograph, fingerprints, photograph
Skinny moustache on the man reading my rights
He says a lot of other stuff I can't remember
And for the purpose of this story it's irrelevant
And he finishes with the wisdom, "Go home now sir,
You are the undesirable element"

I was only looking for a good time officer
Good time, good time, good time
I was only looking for a good time officer
Good time, good time, good time, yeah

I was only looking for a good time officer
I was only looking for a good time
I was only looking for a good time
I was only looking for a good time