I Wouldn't Want To Say

(album: Straight Songs Of Sorrow - 2020)

I wouldn't want to say, my friend
So I'm not saying anything
You say you'll fall, I'll fall lower
A love letter was what I meant
A bullet to the heart was sent
The way my body lay here bent
In the freezing exposure and frozen to colder
I wouldn't want to say
No, I wouldn't want to say

Get out while you can, get out while you can
I will bring bad luck and misery to you, man
I'll paint this shadow across your land
While putting something graveyard dark
Straight into your hand
I wouldn't want to say
I wouldn't want to say

My heart is black as night
Black as night, black as night
This barrel bomb in my brain ignites
A self-aimed incendiary device
Suddenly, everything I ever had is on ice
All those who tried to help me scattered like mice
No, I wouldn't want to say
I wouldn't want to say

Who knows how many more years there will be?
Before the end of this sad machine
No heirs to my disease
No one else to curse with this gene
Someone said it's designed for survival
The one I wildly ride
Swinging from death
From death to revival
Where I've been and what I've done
No, I wouldn't want to say
I wouldn't want to say

The implication, I am guilty
Yet suffocation cannot kill me
There is this ladder I am climbing
In the darkness, you can't find me
I wouldn't want to say
No, I wouldn't want to say

When I was young and untrue as could be
I begged like a child, "Come back to me
Come back to me, come back to me, come back"
Baby, won't you please come back?
No, no, they ain't coming back
They got away however they could
Like snow melting in spring
Disappearing for good

Rapture or apocalypse
Actress or receptionist
Sanctified or crucified
I have always welcomed it
Yeah, I have always asked for it
I knew, I knew I had it coming

It's alright, it's alright
It's alright, it's alright
It's alright
I'm still hoping
I'm still open
Still open all night
Looking for that love that's right

What I loved, what I loved
What I loved, it's gone away
But I loved you
And I always loved you
How I loved you
I wouldn't want to say
No, I wouldn't want to say
I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to say
I wouldn't want to say

It's alright, it's alright
It's alright, it's alright
It's alright
I wouldn't want to say