Anxiety

(album: Deathreats - 2018)

I wake up feeling panicked, my pills are in the cabinet
Takes all the strength I have to just ignore them as I pass it
Man, I hope this feeling passes soon, been to hell and back and it's barely noon
I'm scared to go outside, shit, I'm surprised I even left my room
And it feels like no one understand how bad I'd love to join my friends
It's hard to breathe, I'm anxious and I'll end up staying home instead
The doctor hasn't helped me much, he signs his name I buy the drugs
I'm feeling weird, I take one out, it makes me feel comfortably numb
Man, I can't handle my emotions like I used to, it's all different now
I start to sweat, I feel confused, my fingers shake, my heartbeat pounds
And I'm feeling claustrophobic everytime the closet closes
'Cause my skeletons are in there, so I have to leave it open
I'm just nervous over nothing, even shit I can't control
I used to love to be in public, now I'd rather be alone
And even though it's difficult it's probably for the best
If I didn't make a change I woulda drank myself to death
Then I'll wake up feeling better than I did the day before
But then it hits me outta nowhere and almost knocks me to the floor
A heaviness, a readiness to get back into bed
A sadness that I can't explain, a cloud over my head
My deepest, darkest fears feel like they're filling up and ocean
And I'm floating on the surface with no hope to keep me going
I've been down on myself, man, I forgot how to believe in me
I never asked for help, now I just struggle with it secretly
I wish that it was something I could sweep under the carpet
Tryna hide it all the time only makes the battle harder
Man, I lived a lot of moments that I probably shoulda cherished
Now they seem so far away from me, I'm angry and embarrassed
I can't even tell my parents, they don't need to keep on worrying
My mama and my papa don't deserve to have to bury me
I hope the pills I have will hold me over for a while
I'll keep searching for the strength to find my smile