Lucky You

(album: Renegade - 2022)

I never fit in at school and work was a headache
I struggled all my life to be happy and get the rent payed
The only friends I had were in my head on cassette tapes
I got bullied half to death, I was stressed, I felt like some dead weight
I kept it to myself and bottled everything inside
And every tiny piece of me I felt like people wouldn't like
I tried to hide them in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind
And when I cried I was embarrassed, told my parents I was fine
I was ashamed, but I just wanted mom to hold me
So afraid I medicated daily when I smoked weed
I couldn't come to terms with all the reasons I was bullied
So I slowly built my walls up over time until I noticed I was lonely

I felt like they forgot me
Neglected by everybody
I would fantasize about shoveling dirt on their bodies
Looking back I was lucky that I survived and I made it
And they're lucky I used my imagination

I kept it all inside, been bottled up for all this time
(You're so funny)
Lucky you
I ain't a kid no more, I'll beat your ass and go to court
(Nobody)
Fuck you

Yeah, I couldn't fit in with the kids, I was the outcast
Started skipping school 'cause I was happier without class
Tried to drown it out with fruity alcohol and loud rap
I wonder if those kids are sorry now, somehow I doubt that
I blocked it out for twenty years, it still hurts, the pills worked
But I still can't forget how much it killed me, need to heal first
Talking to my therapist, afraid I'm weak, I will learn
At least the bad experiences turned into an ill verse
I remember when these kids invited me to dinner
They poured water on my head from the roof with a pitcher
They could've actually killed me, it was the middle of the winter
I walked home frozen solid, frostbitten and bitter

I felt like they forgot me
Neglected by everybody
I would fantasize about shoveling dirt on their bodies
Looking back I was lucky that I survived and I made it
And they're lucky I used my imagination

I kept it all inside, been bottled up for all this time
(You're so funny)
Lucky you
I ain't a kid no more, I'll beat your ass and go to court
(Nobody)
Fuck you

I felt so small and worthless
I thought that I deserved it
I kept it under the surface
But I gotta let it out
And right now is perfect

I kept it all inside, been bottled up for all this time
(You're so funny)
Lucky you
I ain't a kid no more, I'll beat your ass and go to court
(Nobody)
Fuck you