Feel Shit

(album: Apply Pressure - 2020)

First I breathe in the smoke, then I exhale slow
'Til there's nothing else left but the ashes
From all this weed I blow to all these drinks I pour
There ain't nothing else left but the ashes

I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)

And I can't be sober when I'm alone
A hundred missed calls in my phone
I'm having withdrawals, leave me alone
Leave me alone, I feel it in my bones, I hide it all inside

I question myself, am I running from something?
I put in the work, went from nothing to something
I still gotta deal with these fucked up assumptions
I'm drunk when in public, still chugging and numbing
I was at rock bottom and I cried for help
So I had to take a break just to find myself
Never been to Heaven, spent some time in Hell
Inside my shell, revenge what I'm tryna smell
I know it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame
Instead of facing those fears, I would run away
Couldn't tell apart all the love and hate
So fuck the fame, I guess it's my drug of taste
I gotta clear my head and just hit restart
Just did 25 shows and there's 15 more
When the cycle repeats, it won't get me far
So I hide my pain deep within these scars
I got everybody saying I deserve to win
But is it worth the regret? Is it worth the sins?
It hurts within, I'm thinking bout my worth again
I had to swim across the water 'cause I burnt the bridge
So I try to get by, but I hide shit inside
And I act like I'm having the time of my life
And I can't see the darkness if I'm in the light
So if silence is golden then I'll be all right

First I breathe in the smoke, then I exhale slow
'Til there's nothing else left but the ashes
From all this weed I blow to all these drinks I pour
There ain't nothing else left but the ashes

I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)

I been on the bottom with all of the maggots
I relapsed again and fell off the wagon
I guess I'm just hoping that all of my habits
Will finally help me to deal with the baggage I'm carrying
This life of sin I'm thinking again of all of the friends I ended up burying
All of the dreams that I done seen perishing
Man, it's imperative I change the narrative
Know what is wrong, knew all along deep in my heart, I'm trying to fly
Why does it feel like I'm dying to live, but at the same I'm trying to die?
Won't you help me, Lord? I know I been selfish, Lord
I know I been wrong, but I feel like I been to Hell before
I just pour another drink to try to take the pain away
Wondering, is today the day that I'ma change my ways?
No amount of cocaine could ever keep me numb
From the shit that I done done and the past I'm running from

First I breathe in the smoke, then I exhale slow
'Til there's nothing else left but the ashes
From all this weed I blow to all these drinks I pour
There ain't nothing else left but the ashes

I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)
I feel like I don't wanna feel shit (I don't wanna feel shit)

And I can't be sober when I'm alone
A hundred missed calls in my phone
I'm having withdrawals, leave me alone
Leave me alone, I feel it in my bones, I hide it all inside