For The First Time

I just got high for the first time
In a long time, why the fuck I do that
See it in your eyes, it makes me so sad
I'm a fuck up, I'm sorry, I'm a dirt bag
Hate it when you see me doing so bad
Every time the phone rang you frantic like I'm toe tagged
I just wanna hear that you've been proud of me
I just hide from all my pain, it's so cowardly

I just can't stop myself
Tell you that I need it, that I want some help
But I, I don't wanna live in this hell
Every time you see me, it's just breaking me down, yeah
Have you ever felt so empty
Wanna end it all, don't tempt me
Tell me that I know she wouldn't want this
But I'm haunted, I disappoint you often

I just got high for the first time
In a long time, why the fuck I do that
See it in your eyes, it makes me so sad
I'm a fuck up, I'm sorry, I'm a dirt bag
Hate it when you see me doing so bad
Every time the phone rang you frantic like I'm toe tagged
I just wanna hear that you've been proud of me
I just hide from all my pain, it's so cowardly

Yeah, I've been by myself for months
Ain't nobody gets me
I can't call my friends no more
And I don't wanna do these drugs
Cuz every time I do em
They just made me feel alone
I just got high for the first time
In a long time, I said I wouldn't do it
But it's useless, I keep using
I feel so lost, I'm reclusive

I just got high for the first time
In a long time, why the fuck I do that
See it in your eyes, it makes me so sad
I'm a fuck up, I'm sorry, I'm a dirt bag
Hate it when you see me doing so bad
Every time the phone rang you frantic like I'm toe tagged
I just wanna hear that you've been proud of me
I just hide from all my pain, it's so cowardly