VOICES IN MY HEAD

(アルバム： Big Talk, Vol. 1 - 2019)

As I walk through life
Comfy doing my thing
As I watch you
Check

As I walk through life
Comfy doing my thing
I look to the side, and I see
A few man, they wanna ruin my thing
But I guess that's life
Each step that I take
I'm pursuing my thing
And my thing is rhymes
Lord knows
I ain't chewing up kling
But a man's been low
You never would know
I'm a confident brother so it never would show
Mom worked 2 jobs, I was waiting after school but she never would show
True, I walked home alone, I would think to myself I'mma win as I grow
True, it messed with my soul, why I had different hair, different scent, different clothes
Different cars, different homes, different drive, different life, different rights, different rows
I see them pull up in a Rolls, in a Benz, it depends on the day I suppose
Me, I used to spend the saving money on a sausage roll, pray my mom would never know
Used the change for a sweet, then roll down the street procrastinating with the bros
Another charity case, only really there for the stats to be safe
Couldn't even have my hair platted in braids
Austentatious with the capital A
But it's capital O, and a grammatical O
Put them in their place, they was all bad for them 'fros
I said don't chat shit when you don't actually know

I always felt like I had sutting to prove
So I kinda went on, like I had nothing to lose
Thiefing off niggas who were nothing to move
I was risking my life, as a youngun for food
I went through a phase when I was 16, it was weird
I used to wanna murder people's voices in my head
I never really spoke about the voices, but instead
I locked myself away and studied lyrics in a shed
At least it felt like that I had a flat, but just a room
Kitchen next to the toilet, bed against the wall
I folded to the wall to make a bit of extra room
Bro, have you ever tried to make a table with a stool
Back then I was 18, I was really with the shits
If you disrespect, I stab a nigga in the neck
I kicked him in the stomach there was blood all in his sick
It left a man depressed and struggling to hit a lick
I started having dreams of getting dipped up in a flat
So I was moving Pow, couldn't kick it in the track
And then I met my ex, she said nigga stick to rap
And I was really in my feelings so I listened to her chat
I had to cut off everybody including my dad
To focus on my craft to make a living from a pad
I had to drop the missus, she was tripping, I was sad
Dwelled on it for years, I couldn't move when it was mad
But I took a lesson from the madness that she brang
It's fleeting if you say it, but immortal if it's sang
I really got to grinding everyday I made a jam
I built a lyric library as a critic and a fan
I'd analyze my lyrics and compare them to a mans
I know his flow was something really hard to understand
Everybody offbeat with their punches, when they land
That's why I'm still on my feet throwing bombs under the round

I seen a couple niggas kill right before my eyes
Seen 'em really crying as they look into the sky
I saw a lot of fear, I saw regret, I saw pride
He didn't wanna die, grabbed his go, he said goodbye
The ambulance is coming, it's too late to heal the wounds
To pool of blood is growing, see it stopping and resume
The ledges of the pavement made the spreading of a storm
Till it flowed over the top like an infinity pool
These the kinda random things your mind clocks in the mist
Of seeing something devilish, the devils hit the delish
The angels they disgustingly digested what you must've, but you can't see their reaction, ca' you caught up in the shit
The devil on my shoulder was an elder, I would shot for
I'd shot a little Z and he would pressure me to shop more
I never had no money for no Gucci or no Tom Ford
I would get my rep from robbing, hit the road then I would shot more
My name is my name, as the wolfgang says
So I add a bait face, niggas looking for my place
Same time I had a stepdad tryna instigate
Real beef with the son of the woman that he date
Remember when he told me he would kill me and my mum
I looked her in the eyes and said is this what it's become
My niggas they don't write, so if you're still troubling mum
By the time that we arrive I push something in your lung
And that was the last thing I saw of him or her
Until a year later when he pushed her down the stairs
I didn't really try and talk about it with my peers
I was just looking for the nigga why he really disappeared
Feds even pulled a nigga asking for a statement
Said I deal with it myself, ca' I ain't talking to you wasteman
I got murder on my mind, so he can't have no conversation
I got murder on my mind, it won't be mellow when I face him, huh

So face facts
Is only 1 life, right on the train tracks
They was 18 in a polo with the strap
And I was only fifteen when they pull that to my gaf
I used to be a positive and optimistic yute
But trials and tribulations got me negative and rude
I used to have respect now I'm a disrespectful yute
I used to love my fellow human, now that's "move I'm comin through"
My mommy couldn't woke up for that, I'mma kill them
In '99 I was in a warehouse in Kilburn
My dad weren't there, grinding, building
And now he wants more for his three likkle children
The good don't come to anybody that waits
The good only come if you get up and chase
I chased man down with a blade for a grade
Till they stabbed me in the face, and left a stain on my brain
And I thought to myself, to remain here the same
Only ends one way, you shouldn't play with the pain
It's amazing how the mind turns pain into depression
It's amazing, how a knife don't care 'bout fame
I went through a phase when I was 16, it was weird
I used to wanna win so much the voices in my head
Telling me to kill them niggas, so I went and kill them niggas
Didn't kill em dead, I kill the music thing instead
Done