Addicted

(アルバム： Prophecy - 2020)

I swear to God they'll probably never understand me
Sick of just walking around, pretending I'm happy
Feel like collapsing from all weight that I carry
But I just keep it pushing and pop me another Xanny
Know it's sad but I remember as a kid it was rough
Always thought we had it all, what I was missing was love
And always drowning in some waters that were thicker than blood
Still they wonder how the fuck I got addicted to drugs, damn

But they don't get that I'm avoiding feeling pain
Only time I feel alive is when there's poison in my veins
Momma telling me to look at what I'm doing to myself
But I just wanna be fucking happy like everybody else

They looking down on me like I'm the fucking villain
I don't wanna talk about it, I know they don't wanna listen
I was only tryna make up for the feeling I was missing
If I'm only feeling pain, tell me, what's the point of living
Every day I'm waking up and tryna deal with the stress
And I've been acting like I'm happy when my life is a mess
And all I know is that I got this fucking pain in my chest
And I would love to get clean but I'm too fucking depressed, damn

Momma's panicking and losing her faith
Came to tell me 'bout a rehab in a beautiful place
She said, "Just checking up if you was awake"
She broke down when she seen her son blue in the face and thought

No one ever told me it would be this hard
Never really thought that it would take my life, no
I just want the pain to fucking go away, eh, eh, eh-eh

Once upon a time we were the happiest couple
Knew we always had each other, never had any trouble
Always had each other's backs if we happened to struggle
I left some people in the past and they were mad that I loved you

Said it's only puppy love, I knew that wasn't the case
I remember getting nervous when I brought you on dates
Conversations 'bout the future and copping our own place
Talking 'bout the day you'd be sharing my last name
I think I'd loved since the time that we met
You had my heart and to be honest you was taking my breath
All my homies said that I became a little obsessed
Never thought that you would get up and leave me fucking depressed, damn

How could you leave me girl, I thought you were the one
Treated you like a queen, never lied to you once
Now I feel like I'm drowning and there's water filling me lungs
I don't wanna be alone, I'm afraid of who I've become
You're gone and I fucking hate it, I feel like I'm suffocating
You ripped my fucking heart out and never tried to replace it
Now when I think about you all I feel is disgust
You were all I ever wanted, thanks for fucking it up

Everybody that's around me know that something is wrong
They always try to tell me love is the strongest drug of 'em all
You know what, huh, I'ma go and see for myself
Let me pop a couple Xannys, I'ma see if it helps

Oh my God, I think I finally feel alive again
Oh my God, I think I'm finally 'bout to smile again
And I just started sleeping better at night
I think I finally found the feeling of what heaven is like
They're getting rid of all my stress when I'm torn
And I could tell that they're relieving all my pressure for sure
Soon my dealer told me that he couldn't get me anymore
Now I'm feeling way sicker than I ever did before

Shit, I can't even take a brief intermission
Without me throwing up and feeling like a piece of me's missing
There was a time I needed love, now I need a perscription
I'm done with living like this, I'd rather lethal injection
'Cause all I think about is pills when I open my eyes
And every day I'm waking up and feeling broken inside
When all I really wanted was to feel happy for once
But now I'm losing myself and losing my family's trust, damn

I really think these drugs have taken my soul
Probably pop 'em till they put me in the grave and I'm cold
But I can't point any fingers, I know the blame is my own
I got addicted to a bitch and that's the fate that I chose

No one ever told me it would be this hard
Never really thought that it would take my life, no
I just want the pain to fucking go away, eh, eh, eh-eh
No one ever told me it would be this hard
Never really thought that it would take my life, no
I just want the pain to fucking go away, eh, eh, eh-eh