One Helluva Pair

(アルバム： Crate Expectations - 2017)

[Intro:]
Dispatch, we are in hot pursuit of two hostile fugitives
One immensely obese brute accompanied by a scrawny, peg-legged minion
Now, we have attempted peaceful negotiations here, but
...Wait, what's this? We're picking something up on another frequency
Let me patch it through

[Junkrat:]
They call me Junkrat, I'm a violent rodent
I never use guns, but I like explosives!
I'll stop the payload with my remote click!
It's good news when I say "I've blown it!"
I'm always laughing cuz I'm always joking
Swipe me right on tinder because I'm smoking hot
Probably cuz I'm a pyro
My hair's on fire, if you need a light, though
I think aiming is overrated
Dynamite and bombs are all I play with
It's a perfect day for mayhem
Got a couple traps and it's time I lay them
I've always got a leg up, mate
Send you sky high where the weather's great
That's a rap, now that you all know me
Show some love for my psycho roadie

[Roadhog:] Shut up, Rat, I'm sick of your voice
[Junkrat:] I'm paying you well, you've got no choice
I'm a demo expert, sorry if I'm a little wired
[Roadhog:] I wouldn't be here if I wasn't hired
I live in the fast lane, I'm not a boar
I'm the hog that the pigs never caught before
With a mask that you'll never see me take off
Like Leatherface, straight outta Texas Chainsaw
Heavyweight champ, a wasteland hulk
[Junkrat:] I won't fat shame you, no need to sulk
[Roadhog:] I'm not a fatass, I'm on a bulk, you know
Shut up Mad Max, you're in my Thunderdome
I'll hop on my Harley, spread some anarchy
[Junkrat:] Fry these buggers like shrimp on the barbie
[Roadhog:] You mess with me, and I'll ruin you worse
Than Junkrat just did to this verse

[Junkrat:] Oh don't take it so personally, Roadhog
[Roadhog:] You just have to ruin everything
[Junkrat:] Well, I'll agree on that one! Ha ha ha ha!

[Roadhog:] Counting down
[Junkrat:] To detonation
[Roadhog] Hold your ground
[Junkrat:] Eradication
[Roadhog:] Look around
[Junkrat:] It's devastation
[Both:] Lay to waste all of creation
[Junkrat:] Light the fuse
[Roadhog:] Lock and load
[Junkrat:] Hit the juice
[Roadhog:] We're on the road
[Junkrat:] The rat and the hog, one hell of a pair
[Roadhog:] We're still not friends
[Junkrat:] But we are getting there
[Roadhog:] Really? Cuz this is hardly a start
You're just an obnoxious body to guard
[Junkrat:] But the money we're making, the riches we're taking
The bonds that we've made
[Roadhog:] And the friendship we're faking
You're too loud, and it's pissing me off
You smell like roadkill and it's making me cough
[Junkrat:] Fire in the hole! I just saved your ass!
[Roadhog:] Oh. Damn. Thanks, I guess
Still without me, you would never win
[Junkrat:] And who's gonna help you? One of your chins?
[Roadhog:] Ha ha ha, okay, Rat, I'll give you that one
[Junkrat:] Look, I squeezed a laugh outta the fat one!
[Roadhog:] Here, take a burger, looks like you need it
[Junkrat:] Aw, thanks Roadie, I'm surprised you didn't eat it
I'm only joking, you're used to taking flak
[Roadhog:] Hold your breath if you're taking cover at my back
[Junkrat:] Oh god, not the toxic fumes
That's where the gas mask really comes in use
[Roadhog:] It's for radiation, and preventing infection
The stank you smell is my indigestion
[Junkrat:] I could light a match by your ass
We'd all be on fire this entire match!
[Roadhog:] And while you pester us, the rest of us are working
You're not a Junkrat, you're a worthless vermin
[Junkrat:] Through defenses I'm blowing holes
Who you gonna call for zone control?
[Roadhog:] Fine, but if you're gonna help, be quiet
[Junkrat:] What's on your meal plan? I wanna try it
[Roadhog:] Double decker burgers, filet mignon
I'll blow out your brains if you say bacon
[Junkrat:] I guess that one hits close to home
[Roadhog:] A little too close, you don't even know...

[Roadhog:] I remember a field, where the piggies would graze
Till the Omnics came in and all our nation was razed
Just thinking of bacon is heartache
A piece of me died on that dark day
Now I'm back on the road
With no family or friends
I ride my cycle alone
I guess this is how it ends
[Junkrat:] But wherever you go, I will follow
I'll be by your side if you want, so
[Roadhog:] When the rubble subsides
[Junkrat:] And the debris sweeps away
[Roadhog:] I'll look into your eyes
[Junkrat:] And I know what you'll say
[Roadhog:] We're a two man army
[Junkrat:] Stirring up anarchy
[Roadhog:] All our foes will be fried up
[Junkrat:] Just like shrimp on the barbie
[Roadhog:] Hop on my Harley, I want you in my sidecar
[Junkrat:] They've taken my leg, but it was you who took my heart
[Roadhog:] In a totally platonic way
[Junkrat:] Well yes, that goes without saying
This is sufficiently awkward
[Roadhog:] Let's continue our rampage

[Roadhog:] Hey, Junkrat
[Junkrat:] What is it, you ol' bugger?
[Roadhog:] If you tell anyone about that
[Junkrat:] That what? Our singing an' all?
[Roadhog:] I will kill you
[Junkrat:] Hehehehehe, yea yea, whatever you say mate
Lips are sealed, ahahahahahaha!
[Roadhog:] [*sighs*]