what's going on?

Waking up soon but I wanna sleep
Nothing is worse than leaving these sheets
Barely awake
Still brushing my teeth
Running the tap
Rinse and repeat
You were the lady and I was the tramp
But showing you off I felt like the champ
I was your favorite
But fading away
Leaving saliva all over my face
Movies on Friday no longer a thing huh
I feel it sting
What didn't I bring
Cause I brought a lot
In case you come back I'll be saving your spot
Tried making a difference in showing you life
Stuck at your side
You stuck in a knife
Pouring you wine
You pouring my blood
Wipe out my life in need of a flood

I need a flood, I need an ending
Scared of the truth, so I'll keep pretending
Don't need a reason, I been defeated
Now I'm alone, I be looking for Jesus

Ever see somebody die
Ever cut your wrists
With the bluntest of knives hit your friends started texting goodbyes
Ain't nothing left but death in your eyes
Sometimes people leaving
The lesson acceptance
The older you get
The harder it is to get it
Some people look for you
Some look for an exit might hurt you might hate it
But never regret it
I don't run from pain it made me
How could I ever hate what it shaped me been to hell
How come that never fazed me wish em well
Even when they all hate me
Let me be, take my soul and finally set it free
Spread my ashes on the seven seas
Let me rest in peace when I'm dead
Deceased
Where a grave the only thing that's left for me

I need a flood, I need an ending
Scared of the truth, so I'll keep pretending
Don't need a reason, I been defeated
Now I'm alone, I be looking for Jesus

Ain't a discography
This a effigy
I'm a giant
So when
I am dying
You had better make sure that I'm buried seven feet
My reflection deference to the left of me
Cracking under pressure
Don't let it get to me
You can even break me down chemically
Rapping pain
The only thing my chemistry, contains
I think that that's not for me

I think it's meant for me
Maybe not meant to be
I'm sick and tired of fighting with enemies
Trying to cry
She lied about everything I want to die
But that's a petty thing
I got a lot more
I could be giving some people hate me
That's a given and wonder what I could have done to act like a son
And put some good use to my energy
I think I'm done done done done
I want to run run run run
I tried to get some some some some
And I fucked up my funds funds funds funds
I got like two years to be me and I got like three days in a week
Now I got like four things that I need and I got like five bills I'm asleep
You know
I'm tired of shit
I thought I'd die as a kid
I brought a knife into school and they told me it is what it is
Should have been locked in a prison
Talk about shitty decisions
I had to roam no intentions told me to work for my passion
Nowadays I've been getting paid because the music got me some attention