Literal Assassin's Creed: Revelations

Stargate, Ubisoft, Sparkle.
Fade in to the left hand
Of a sleepy man.
How'd he fall asleep there?
Help up the sleepy hooded man.
That's what beds are for.
Drag him cross the stone floor.
Front shot then a shot from the ceiling.
He could get carpet burned.
Slow fade.
Cut to white on a boat, I'm looking ahead.
Holding on a rope.
I am... nauseous,
Now I'm alone, and walking away.
And I'm afraid of heights.
Oh shit, how'd I get up here?
If I fall then I would be dead.
I made it down alright.
I feel great... RAAHH!
GOD! COME ON!
Whoever shot that arrow's gonna pay.
Enter Bald Guy With a Cape.
Break the arrow off, you can take a bald guy.
Then you see the bald guy
Joined by some other guys.
RUN UP!
In slow motion, kick a guy in the head.
Stab his friend.
Spin around, roll off.
Punch a face.
Start out in slow motion first,
Then use your speed hack.
Grab a sword, use it to deflect.
Stab him in the back.
Get down just in time, and
Slap him in the face.
Friendly Fire's on, apparently.
Why unsheath your blade?
Make 'em use their own.
Time out, lemme get my Weap's...
IN SLOW-MO.
I am the first X-Man.
That joke's ahead of our time,
But you still gonna die!
Who the hell is that guy?
The second X-Man.
Don't watch him walk away,
Or you'll lose a hidden blade
And get surrounded.
OOWHITE!
Evil Bald Guy With a Cape.
Ezio plans his escape.
Boss waits patiently, Ezio shakes free
All the Royal Guards pee themselves
Main Boss calls them off with his right hand
Slow dramatic zoom-pan.
Doesn't phase the hooded man.
Cape-Clad Bald Guy Sentence Ezio To Die.
Then he sees Altair from the first game.
(gotta change Ezio to Altair and last to first)
He used to jump off those, anyway.
Under each of those there's a bale of hay.
After you synchronize, Leap of Faith.
Nod at the bird PEOPLE DIE,
Everywhere PEOPLE DIE.