If You Want Love

You want a guy that's sweet
A guy that's tough
A feminist who likes to pay for stuff
The kinda guy that gets along with your friends
Without being attracted to any of them
A good boy, a bad boy, a good bad boy
A half good half bad half boy
Loves your brother sensitive but not weak and
Is a great lover calls your mother on the weekend
Now you might think that this guy only exists in your mind
Guess what
You're right

If you want love
Lower your expectations a few
Because Prince Charming would never settle for you
If you want love
Just pick a guy and love him
And if he's got a thing for feet
Say fuck it, sweep me off them

You want a girl that's nice
A girl that's not
Obsessed with her looks but is insanely hot
The kinda girl that you can show to your folks
Loves the movies that you like and always laughs at your jokes
A real girl, a hot girl, a really hot girl
A brand new really hot real doll
Wants to impress you doesn't care if you notice
And only ever uses you to tickle her throat with
Now you might think that this girl only exists in your mind
She's real
But last week
She died

If you want love
Lower your expectations a lot
You might think your dick is a gift I promise it's not
If you want love
Just pick a girl and love her
Then whip out your dick and let the
Girl you love decline the offer

I don't want a neat freak I don't want a slob
Or somebody with bedhead and a dead-end job
Cause I won't settle for less
Than perfect
We want perfect children, a perfect life
Perfect husband or a perfect wife
But deep down we know
We don't deserve it

But

We all deserve love
Even on the days when we aren't our best
Cause we all suck
But love can make us suck less
We all deserve love
It's the very best part of being alive
And I would know
I just turned twenty five