Alone With My Thoughts Again

I still never make sense.
Still chilling in the same ends.
Still living in the yard
With my ma and my pa.
It feels really different now I pay rent.
I suppose that a grown up's
Still looking over my shoulder.
Still living in the past.
Still thinking of older personas.
Still don't wanna change.
Don't wanna let go. I'm a doughnut.
And I know but
I've come to a point where I've got
to make choices that I
don't wanna make.
Where I'm waiting and waiting.
But now it's too late to avoid it.
And I can't even lie
Man I'm half of the guy
That my father is.
I still wonder if he's disappointed.
He tells me he's proud
I can tell that he doubts
Every now and then.
And I'm hardly home
eat food then I'm out again.
Mum's stressed when I'm out
and about with friends.
She prays for my safety
Ever since Rich got slain
and it's making her crazy.
And I know the feeling.
I still get nightmares
Still think of him daily
Still think of the hate
that fills my mates.
I still thank god that he saved me.

[Chorus:]
I'm alone with my thoughts again.
Alone with the thoughts
that I thought before.
I feel so not sure
So I talk to them.
I'm fighting my thoughts
it's a war.
And I walk with them.
I'm recording
[?]
See these ain't just bars that I write.
It's more like each line's
a part of my mind.
And I like what I'm starting to find.
[x2]

And I'm still here
I ain't so far gone, I'm real near.
I still fight parts of my past.
Can't lie, I still feel fear.
Still driving the same old car
and I still spit the same old bars
about how I been hiding
and how I keep finding
I write what my mind thinks.
'Cause not a thing's changed.
I guess my life ain't exciting.
I rest, I find days so tiring.
I'm tired with nothing to do.
And I still got something to prove.
Still don't know all the things
that I want to know.
But I know that I still want
to see change happen.
Still reminisce once in a blue.
Still thinking of people I know
and of people I knew.
But it's crazy the change
that I seen in the place I was raised.
No familiar face on the estate.
I'm hoping, really I pray
most of my mates found truth
in the path that they chose.
'Cause it's hard and I know
And I'm not sure what to say
I'm still lost for words.
I still wanna do better.
Sometimes I still opt for worse.
Still trying to put God first.

[Chorus x2]