It's Not This

I'm doing everything you always said you hated
And I brought back the side of me you always wanted to change
And I swore that I wouldn't still care so much but I do
I've been waking up my demons all in spite of you
But I think to myself where you've been and it hurts like hell
I drown you out again

Whatever it is that's gonna get me over you
It's not this
It isn't halfway blackout at a shithole dive
Kissing strangers to forget you exist
It isn't secretly wishing you'd call
Saying baby won't you come back home
Whatever it is
It's not this, it's not this, ooh oh
It's not this, ooh oh

I'm treading water wishing you were here
I ask for coffee and you say it's not a good idea
And you swear it's not that you don't love me
Just that you need space
But I don't blame you, I don't even love myself these days
I think to myself who you've been with, it hurts like hell
I drown you out the best I can

Whatever it is that's gonna get me over you
It's not this
It isn't halfway blackout at a shithole dive
Kissing strangers to forget you exist
It isn't secretly wishing you'd call
Saying baby won't you come back home
Whatever it is
It's not this, it's not this, ooh oh
No, it's not this, ooh oh

It's not thinking that you might be thinking of me
While I'm going through the motions with somebody
Or taking the long way home
So I don't pass the places we used to go
It's not telling everybody that I'm okay
When I know I'd lose it if I ever saw you face to face
I guess love is a condition, I'll never make you hold

Whatever it is
It's not this
No whatever it is
It's not this

No I'm never gonna get that call
Saying baby won't you come back home
And that you might miss what it was
Before it was this
Ooh oh, ooh oh