Smile

(album: As Far As The Stars - 2021)

Last night I broke down crying
Turned my TV on 'cause I don't like the silence
Took the razor blades and my prescription pills
And put 'em in the box and did my best to hide 'em
'Cause last night I felt like dying
Googled "suicide" and thought that I might try it
I was scared that I'd screw up and I'd survive it
So I went to sleep, today I woke up smiling
I've read the books, I took the pills
When I got a therapist and talked to live
I keep going to the doctor with a brand new problem that antibiotics can't seem to heal
I hide how I feel from my family and friends
'Cause if you never been depressed, then it don't make sense
It's hard to admit there's a voice in your head
And you're listening to every bad thing that it says, like
Last night I felt like dying
Maybe it's my serotonin, it's inside my mind
And I need Cyprulex, I need a doctor's guidance
Like, how can a guy wanna fight with science?
Tough times never last, but tough people do
If the glass half full, you still got the juice
And if the plane gon' crash and you ain't pack a shoot
Then kick back and relax and enjoy the view

When I feel like I'm drowning, I'd rather be dead
I feel like it's loud, it's all inside my head
I feel like I'm surrounded, it might be awhile
Before I come around, remember how to smile
When I feel like I'm drowning, I'd rather be dead
I feel like it's loud, it's all inside my head
I feel like I'm surrounded, it might be awhile
Before I come around, remember how to smile

I went in the dark and let it hurt, I
Joined the groups and went to church, I
Tried to smile through it, like
Maybe this will do it, ha
And then everything is great till the light [?]
Now the demon shows his face and I try to run away
Till he's everywhere and he wants me to fight him
But I'm exhausted from the chase and the thoughts in my brain, like
Pour me in my velvet sheets
Like I'm held underneath and [?] weak
So my cell phone [?] if you call the beeps
I pretend that I'm okay 'cause I'm not [?]
I tell myself that tough times pass
If the wheels fall off, I still got the gas
Lights are roller coasters, sometimes they crash
So I'll enjoy the ride that I have

When I feel like I'm drowning, I'd rather be dead
I feel like it's loud, it's all inside my head
I feel like I'm surrounded, it might be awhile
Before I come around, remember how to smile
When I feel like I'm drowning, I'd rather be dead
I feel like it's loud, it's all inside my head
I feel like I'm surrounded, it might be awhile
Before I come around, remember how to smile

Close your eyes, don't look down, whoa
You can learn to fly if you [?], whoa
We're here today not for a while, whoa
So here's your chance, go [?], whoa

When I feel like I'm drowning, I'd rather be dead
I feel like it's loud, it's all inside my head
I feel like I'm surrounded, it might be awhile
Before I come around, remember how to smile
When I feel like I'm drowning, I'd rather be dead
I feel like it's loud, it's all inside my head
I feel like I'm surrounded, it might be awhile
Before I come around, remember how to smile