Teenage Love On The Phone

(album: They're All Gonna Laugh At You! - 1993)

[Richie:] "So ya doing good?"
[Samantha:] "Ya, I'm fine, how 'bout you?"
[Richie:] "How good could I be? I haven't seen you in three hours."
[Samantha:] "Ohhh, Richie. Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall,
and he doesn't want me on the phone.
So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming."
[Richie:] "Ok. So look, uh, do you wanna meet at the Spring Fling Dance thi..."
[She hangs up phone]

[Phone rings]
[Richie:] "Hello?"
[Samantha:] "Sorry, I thought he was coming."
[Richie:] "That's ok. So, about the dance. Do you wanna meet
[Samantha:] "Umm, well my brother gets the car on Friday nights."
[Richie:] "Well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. Lets say around..."
[She hangs up phone]
[Richie:] "Come on.."

[Phone rings]
[Richie:] "Hey."
[Samantha:] "Sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom."
[Richie:] "That's ok. Well look, uh.. what was I saying?
Oh yeah, should I pick you up at like seven-thirty
or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin.."
[She hangs up the phone again]
[Richie:] "Give me a break..."

[Phone rings]
[Richie:] "Hello."
[Samantha:] "Sorry. It was just my dog."
[Richie:] "Hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? Why can't we talk?"
[Samantha:] "He just thinks I'm on the phone too much.
Oh my God, uh, I gotta go."
[Richie:] "Don't hang up!"
[Samantha:] "Richie, I can't talk!"
[Richie:] "No, I'm sick of this! Put your dad on the phone! I wanna talk to him."
[Samantha:] "It's not my dad."
[Richie:] "What? Well, who's there? Why can't you talk?"
[Samantha:] "Uh, just look Richie, someone is here."
[Richie:] "Who's there? Is it a guy!?"
[Samantha:] "Richie!"
[Richie:] "I knew it! I'll kill him! Put him on the phone!"
[Samantha:] "oh.. it's just.. hold on."

[Hands phone to guy]
[Richie:] "Hey man! What the hell are you doing there!? Samantha's my girl!
You'd better stay away from her or I'll make you wish you were never born!"
[Buffoon:] "Fucking shit!"
[Richie:] "Yeah, fucking shit is right buddy!
Don't think I'm kidding around, man! I'm crazy! I'll smash your head in! I swear to God!"
[Buffoon:] "One time I saw my Grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts above her belly button."
[Richie:] "Yeah, well that's too bad! But I'm still gonna come over there and beat your face in!"
[Richie slams down phone]

[Samantha: "What happened? Was he mad?"
[Buffoon: "My neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!"
[Samantha: "Oh Buffoon, you're the coolest." [Whispering] "I love you..."