The Adventures Of The Cow

(album: What The Hell Happened To Me? - 1996)

"And now a cow at bat in the bottom of the 6th inning
of a little league game getting hit by a pitch"

[Baseball sounds and cow bell ringing,ball is hit and hits cow]
[Cow:] Moo

"And now a cow who goes skydiving for the very first time,
and thinks his parachute isn't gonna open when it finnally does 40 feet from the ground"

[Plane sounds]
[M1:] Alright cow, don't even think about just jump and enjoy the ride down,
quit being a pansy and do it
[Cow:] Moo
[Ripcord sounds]
[Cow:] Moo,mrr
[Parachute opens]
[Cow:] Moow
[Thud]

"And now a cow who goes to the chicken hot drivethru
and then gets halfway home before realising they forgot his french fries"

[Cow opening paper bag]
[Cow:] Moo,moo
[Car screeches, and turns back around]
[Cow:] Mrr

"And now a cow winning first prise in the bellyflop contest at spring break
and then realises he can't swim"

[Cow walking towards pool, big splash]
[Cow:] Moo
[Crowd cheering]
[Cow:] Mrr,mrr
[Underwater moo]

"And now a club gets a dance at a classy strip club,
when a bouncer notices he doesn't have any shoes on"

[F1:] Ohh baby you like it when I dance with you
[Cow:] Moo
[F1:] Uh uh uh, you can't touch that
[Cow:] Moo
[Bouncer:] Keep your hands off the girl
[Cow:] Moo
[Bouncer:] Hey cow, you got no shoes on you gotta leave
[Cow:] Moo
[M2:] Hey watch it cow

"And now a cow playing tennis against farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle
when the farmer makes an obvious bad call"

[Tennis ball being hit]
[Farmer:] That was out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Don't tell me it wasn't cause I saw it and that was out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] By at least 3 feet that's how far, come in look there is still a mark where it's out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Don't tell that was from an old ball, that was this ball and this ball was out
[Cow:] Mrr
[Farmer:] You cannot see from that angle
[Cow:] Moo

"And now a cow recieves a phone call who he thinks is
from a famous actor but he soon finds out it's just a practical joke"

[Phone rings, cow picks it up]
[Farmer:] Hello may I speak to the cow
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Hi, I'm a famous actor
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Oh, thank you very much,
I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Why don't I make reservations?
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] And why don't I tell you my real name?
farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle
[Cow:] Mrr
[Farmer:] Take that fatty
[Cow:] Mrr
[Slams down phone]

"And now a cow gets his revenge on farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle"

[Car sounds]
[Farmer:] Pull over, pull the vehicle to the side of the road, I am warning you for the last time.
[Car hits farmer]
[Farmer:] Oooh
[Cow:] Mooooooooooooo