Cool Guy 5

(album: Stan And Judy's Kid - 1999)

[Sean pulling up in his car to a hooker]

[GIRL #5:] Hey, honey.
[SEAN:] S'up baby? Looking all smooth, standing on the corner at 3 in the morning and shit. You cold, baby? You want to use me as a blanket?

[GIRL #5:] I'm just doing my thing.

[SEAN:] Well, does doing your thing mean your tricky? 'Cause I'd like to invest some of my hard earned money towards loving you, if you know what I getting at.

[GIRL #5:] Well, how much you got, big man?

[SEAN:] Well, I'm willing to drop 50 dollars on your ass, but there's a condition going on.

[GIRL #5:] What's that?

[SEAN:] You're going to have to put those lucious lips of yours on... my... slub-a-dub.

[GIRL #5:] Ooh, I can do that.

[SEAN:] You can?

[GIRL #5:] Mm-hmm.

[SEAN:] You mean, you ain't going make fun of the fact that I called my gizza-gazza a "slub-a-dub"?

[GIRL #5:] Honey you can call your thing what ever you want to as long as you got 50 bucks.

[SEAN:] Oh sna... well, alright then here's the 50 dollars, [unzips pants] and here's my flip stick, now start wetting that thing up.

[GIRL #5:] [Opens his door] Sir, you are under arrest.

[police car pulls up]

[SEAN:] You got to be fucking with mind here.

[GIRL #5:] No, I'm not.

[COP:] Good job, Denise. We'll take him from here.

[Cop hand cuffs Sean]

[SEAN:] WHAT?!?! You going to arrest my ass for trying to get a ride on my slip 'n' slide? Fuck that shit.

[GIRL #5:] Hey honey, when you get to jail, you're going to be on the other end of a slip 'n' slide, and I hope you enjoy yourself.

[SEAN:] WWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT?!?!?!

[cop throws Sean in back of police car]

[COP:] Just get in the back, asshole.

[GIRL #5:] [from outside] You sick fuck.

[SEAN:] Damn!! [crying] This is a bunch of bullshit!!!

[PEEPER:] Piss on me. [also in the back of the police car]

[SEAN:] WHAT?!

[PEEPER:] Please, piss me.

[SEAN:] NO!!!

[PEEPER:] Just a tinkle.

[SEAN:] Fuck that, keep him away from me.

[PEEPER:] Urine.

[SEAN:] Keep this man away from me.