Dick Pic

(album: 100% Fresh - 2019)

I did my first dick pic, everybody. [cheering] Thank you. A dick pick is... that's a weird thing to do. There's no reason for me to do it. I'm fucking married. But all my friends are doing them, so I'm like, "What the fuck, let me just... at least I can be part of the conversation when they're talking about their dick pics. I can go, "Oh, yes, definitely." You know? [laughter] So, I do my first dick pick. I look back at it. There's a ghost in the background. So there's a ghost in the image, and I'm like, "I live in fucking haunted house?" I had no idea. I want to show everybody... 'cause... what are the chances of catching that? But my dick doesn't look... as good as I want it to look in the image. Plus, you know, the fucking ghost was really tall, so he made my dick not look... exact. Plus the fucking ghost was holding a ruler next to my dick. I was like, "What the fuck is your problem?" to the ghost. He was like... The ghost was like, "I live here too. I like to have fun."