Disney

(album: 100% Fresh - 2019)

So I'll tell you a little story about Disney World. You want to hear a true Adam Sandler Story?
Please, I can... Okay.
[Cheers and applause] So you guys have been to Disney World, right?
[Cheering]
The families have been there. Who doesn't have kids and still goes to Disney World? [cheering] You fucking stoners. [laughter]

I'm on to you. [laughs] All right, so I go to Disney World recently with my wife and the two kids. My kids wanted to go on this roller coaster. They were very excited. So, we wait on the line. We're waiting. You know the lines are very long. So, it takes like an hour and 15 minutes. We get to the front of the line, and then the roller coaster, we find out, only takes three people at a time. So, there's four of us. And I see my wife and the two kids just immediately start walking to the thing. And I was like, we're not even gonna flip a coin. Not... Not even a thought, right? They're like, "No, no..." I was like, "Yeah. All right." And so, I'm sitting there very angry. I'm stewing. Like, "I waited a fucking hour and 15 minutes to go on this fucking shit with you guys, and you fucking bail on me." Then I see it happens to some other dad from Oklahoma, and he's muttering. He's like, "Goddamn motherfucker... They're mean as shit. And I'm like, "Yeah, yeah." And then I say to the other dad, I go, "You want fucking me and you to go on it together? And he's like, "What?" I go, "Well, I'm not going alone. Let's fucking do this shit. I'll go with you." And he's like, "Yeah, whatever the fuck you want." And so... [laughs] So I get on the roller coaster with the guy and we're both not talking to each other. The roller coaster takes off, and you know how they take off so fucking fast... that both our necks snap back, and we look at each other. And he's like "Ooh, that got me." I was like, "Oh, yeah, that was fucked up, man." We start laughing a little bit. And we're fucking all of a sudden loosening up. And we're fucking doing all the... jetting, banging into these fucking crazy turns. I'm fucking leaning, 100% leaning on the guy. He's looking at me like, "What the fuck?" I was like, "Hey, here we are." And we're laughing our asses off. And I'm like, "Holy shit, I haven't been this happy in at least 11 years. I know that, but whatever, I'm fucking... jetting around, fucking doing loop-the-loops. He's fucking bumping my first. I'm like, "Yeah, motherfucker." He's like, "Yeah, baby." We get to the end. The fucking... You know how the break comes out of nowhere. It fucking screeches on, both our fucking heads snap again. He's like, "They got us again. I was like, "Fuck yeah, we'll never learn. [laughter] So, uh, we're creeping up to, you know, getting off the ride, how it's like a little slow at exit, and we're sitting there, and I'm fucking... I feel this crazy pain in my heart, and I'm like, "Did I fucking fall in love with this guy or some shit? What happened? And he's not looking at me. I'm like this guy feels it too, 'cause he's in a fucking daze. We're both... And my kids are like, "Come on, let's go to Peter Pan." I was like, "All right, in a minute." I'm yelling at the kids too loud. "I've got to say goodbye to the man." And, uh... I get off. I go, "Hey, nice to meet you." He's like, "Yeah, nice to meet you." He won't look at me, and we're both all fucked up. He goes back to his family, I go back to mine. I'm walking away. In my head, I'm like, "I'm never gonna see that fucking guy again, and I don't feel good about that. Um... And then I... And then I go... "They take your picture though... on those rides. You know, just for memory's sake. Just, what the fuck, I'm gonna go see, maybe they snapped us, maybe they didn't. But if they did... why not? Fuck it, you know. Let's just see." And so, we... We go to the, uh... I go to that place where there's the fucking monitor up. Sure enough, there's a picture of me and the guy, upside down, in the loop-the-loop... staring so deep into each other's eyes. It was fucking bananas. I was like, "Okay, he felt it. He definitely felt it too." So, I say to the lady behind the counter, "Hey, how much is that?" And the lady goes, "Sixty-five dollars." I was like, "Oh. Okay." And then I take my phone out, and I fucking snap a shot of it. And then I feel this energy behind me. I look back, and it's the guy from Oklahoma. He's holding the picture he just bought. And he was like, "I wasn't worth it?" [laughter] So, anyways... If that man is watching my Netflix special right now, I think of you a lot, sir. I think of you a lot.