Gross

(album: Mysteries For Rats - 2023)

It was so easy with you
So salty and gross
Made me feel clean by comparison
And it was the gun in my mouth
And the fire in my house
It made me look so innocent

I'm never gonna feel good again
I've played this game all the way to the end
Look at this silly little song for you
Looks like you're better at this game, too

I wish I didn't miss you
Or that I liked you at all
I wish I had the guts to fuck my own life up
I wish I had your set of balls
But I'm just your chemical compound
I'm just the ring you take off
I'm just the next little girl you fake it with
Before you go make it work with the one that you love

I drink my dumb little drinks
Act like you care what I think
Or like I really wanna get to know you
Give everybody a chance
Put on my makeup and dance
Say things like, "I'll do anything for you"

Don't I look good in this dress?
In this whole manicured mess
I look phenomenal, but mostly to you, oh
It's even worse than you think
Got tabs on everything
And I'll die before I'll tell it to you

I'm never gonna feel good again
I've played this game all the way to the end
Look at this silly little song for you
You're better than you thought at this, too

I wish I never met you
Or that I wanted you still
I wish I had the guts to fuck my own life up
I wish you'd just come over and kill me
But I'm your chemical compound
I'm just the ring you take off
I'm just the next little girl you fake it with
Before you go make it work with the one that you love

And I don't even resent that
Do you get that I don't even object
I don't mind what you meant
But then how dare you express
Whatever brand of respect this is
When I made sure that we both know I'm a mess

I hate it most when they're kind
When they have meaningful lives
And I'm the awful one standing next to them
It was an earnest suggestion, a real connection
Every part of me poses a threat to them

And if you're mean then they'll laugh
It's like they don't understand
If you got it, you would fucking go home
Say that you want me still
Say I'm just mentally ill
Or I'm just a bitch, but, you'll never know!

I'm never gonna feel good again
I've played this game through every end
I'll pull the plug or I'll wait it out
But I don't need you around

I wish I never met you
I with I wasn't a waste
I wish I had the guts to fuck my own life up
Or the heart to set myself straight
But I'm just your chemical compound
You're just the gun in my mouth
If you'd stop romanticizing who I am at parties, you'd find your way out

I wish I weren't a liar
I wish that I could be kind
I wish that I could trust you
That things would turn out fine

But I'm just your chemical compound
I'm just a flash in your hand
And if you don't wanna play just say so
And you'll never ever see me again