Feel Better

(album: Public Void - 2020)

I don't wanna feel better
No one's ever gonna love me like that again
I don't wanna get over you
I wanna sit with you in bed

I don't wanna feel better
I'd give anything to miss you again
I don't wanna get over it
I wanna get under it instead

The book sits on top of clean and messy blankets
On a bed that fucking creaks at night
When I get in it late
And late at night I'm chugging Gatorade
And someone's breaking up when I crack up
Because I know I'll never know just what to say

I'm a communist, a terrorist
An MPDG thot
Or I'm a sad girl in a dorm room
Living out the shitty Christian plot of "Twilight"
Or "The Bible" or "The Lover" by Duras
Or I'm just really fucking selfish
And really fucking lost

But someone loved me
Someone fucking loved me
Someone fucking loved me
And I fucking loved them too
Goddamn it, I was worth something
I fucking learned something
I had my cake
I ate it
It ate me too
And God no

I don't wanna feel better

[*sharp breathing*]
(I don't wanna feel better)
(I'd give anything to miss you again)
(I don't wanna get over it)
(I wanna rip it to shreds)

We kept our liquor in a suitcase
Underneath my bed
And we drank it to go out or just stay in
Or to feel sad, but in a hot way
A way I'll fucking never have again
The sun has begun to set

I'm a socialist, Marxist, libertarian slut
I am an awkward teenage virgin
And I sort of kinda laugh a lot in bed
But other times I cry or don't make noise at all
I'd give my life to have a room that feels that small

'Cause someone loved me
Someone fucking loved me
Someone fucking loved me
I loved them too
Goddamn it, I was worth something
I fucking earned something
I had a right to die
A right to live
A right to choose, too
And God no

Of course, I don't wanna feel better [*laugh*]
Can you fucking imagine?

No one's ever gonna love me like that again
I don't wanna get over it
I wanna rip the stars to shreds
I don't wanna feel better

I mean of course it hurt
Of course, it fucking hurt
It hurt like nothing in the world sometimes
And I was super scared
And we were all a train-wreck
But also somehow making it
I think I might've died there twice
And I would do it all again

I'm a nihilist, a soldier, an OCD-machine
Or I'm a healthy baby-girl
Who traded sunshine for disease
But when my head hit my cheap pillow
I could tell I had a heart
And I wanna tear this fascist Milky Way apart

'Cause someone loved me
Someone fucking loved me
All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew
Goddamn it, I was worth something
I fucking learned something
And it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food

I guess I loved you
I guess I really loved you
All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew
And now you're over there
And I'm way over here
What am I gonna do?

I don't wanna feel better
No one's ever gonna love me like that again
I don't wanna get over you
I wanna sit with you in bed

I don't wanna feel better
(I don't wanna feel better)