Be

(album: Reaching For A Star - 2020)

There's something rotten inside me
You told me to be better, ain't honestly likely
You told me to be more, truth is I cannot be
You told me to be smart, kept promising I'm free
You told me to be strong and belong, alarmed me
That otherwise my life won't be long and lively
Do something when I'm gone they don't despise me
You told me don't be wrong
Forgotten that I'm me?
Become something that I'm not
Crushed between the four walls, ceiling and the floor boards
I can't walk nor see forwards, when I talk my speech Mordor
Scrambled thoughts that need order
Not in reach, they're lost in deep waters
Drawing on sleep exhausts my zeal harder
Caught in grief I've honestly authored

I don't wanna swim no more, I wanna fly
Looking up at those that do, but I don't identify
I feel lonely when I try, my dreams always seem to die
I keep falling, I'm so sorry, I'm appalling in your eyes

Show me how to be, I'll show you how to not
I will climb the tallest tree and tie the tightest knot
Yeah, I'm flawed as hell, I could never love myself
As long as I carry this guilt, I will never feel fulfilled
Show me how to be, I'll show you how to not
I will climb the tallest tree and tie the tightest knot
Yeah, I'm flawed as hell, I could never love myself
As long as I carry this guilt, I will never feel fulfilled

Beep, beep, beep, beep-beep, beep
Beat, I reach for the screen, I need sleep
This sequence is bleak, it reeks, then repeats
Week after week, increasing my fatigue, I feel weak
Tough to conceive I still bleed
When I seem to be proceeding on reflex, deceit
That I could feel relief, that I could seek dreams
Which, seemingly all my experiences deplete
See at the beginning they said that I would be winning
What a beautiful thought, but one I no longer believe in
Belief feels belittling, now I've been beaten
Bested beast, depressed and defeated
So rest in peace to me that felt different
Guess I failed at living, guess I fell and I guess I'm frail
So my failure isn't your fault, just the weather shifted
And my feathers withered, uh

Show me how to be, I'll show you how to not
I will climb the tallest tree and tie the tightest knot
Hell yeah, I'm flawed as hell, I could never love myself
As long as I carry this guilt, I will never feel fulfilled
Show me how to be, I'll show you how to not
I will climb the tallest tree and tie the tightest knot
Hell yeah, I'm flawed as hell, I could never love myself
As long as I carry this guilt, I will never feel fulfilled
R-A-V

One lonely night, coming home from work to heavy rain
Thirty feet from the train cross I cross everyday
Bar halfway down, I don't hesitate
Close both my eyes and for heaven's sake hit me today
I just want it all to be erased, disappear with the fear and despair
Dissipate, all I've ever done is been afraid
All I've ever done been is been this way
You claim I ain't broken and you liken my wounds
To things that you deal with, with ease, I should too
You make me hate me more than I should hate you
It's always you, you, you
But mama, I'm me
I just wanna be
And I hope you're okay with that