A Little Blue-Haired Lady

(album: 20 Comedy Hits - 1995)

Well you might have read it in the paper
It happened just last week
About the man up on the building
Shooting people in the street

Well they captured him and took him in
For psychiatric observation
Then they held a press conference
And gave this explanation

They said, "Don't blame his alcoholic father
Or his co-dependent mother
It wasn't his sociopathic sister
Or his transvestite brother
Naw, he just been on the freeway for hours
When he finally lost his mind
There were orange barrels everywhere
And he was stuck behind

A little blue-haired lady
In a big black Oldsmobile
Yeah, you could barely see her peeking out
Beneath that steering wheel!
She couldn't turn that thing around
In a forty-acre field!
A little blue-haired lady
In a big black Oldsmobile

A little blue-haired lady
In a rocking '98
Doing twenty miles an hour, flat out
On the interstate
She wouldn't speed up, she wouldn't turn
To the left or right or yield
A little blue-haired lady
In a big black Oldsmobile

Do you remember Pearl Harbor
December seventh, '41?
How the Japanese bombed our fleet
In a sneak attack at dawn?

When Roosevelt asked the Japanese ambassador,
"Why didn't you give us warnin'?"
He said, "We send a message but our driver was stuck in traffic all mornin'! Heh heh!"

Behind a little blue-haired lady
In a big black Oldsmobile
You could barely see her tiny fingers
On top of the steering wheel
She wouldn't speed up, she wouldn't turn
To the left or right or yield
A little blue-haired lady
In a big black Oldsmobile

Ooh, little blue-haired ladies
In big black Oldsmobiles
If you've ever been behind one friends
You know just how it feels
To see that little blue head a-peeking out
Beneath that steering wheel
Lord, deliver me from blue-haired ladies
And big black Oldsmobiles!

Yes, it was a little blue-haired lady
In a big black Oldsmobile!

[Spoken:]
Lady, if you don't speed up, You're gonna get a parking ticket!