Clouds

(album: Disconnected - 2022)

Yeah
I stare at the clouds when I'm feeling down
Reflecting on life, and noticing how, that
During the silence, all my thoughts get loud
So I block 'em out, wish you was around
But I guess life has a way of removing the people who do not deserve you
And it has a way of you feeling connected to all the same people that hurt you
I'll be the first to, say I made mistakes, I know deep down that I am not perfect
Lately I've been isolating myself and diggin deep to rediscover my purpose
They're just seeing me as an artist, but they don't see the pain I bury underneath the surface
I know what I feel inside, I, I just don't know how to word it
We love what hurts us and hope they can change
Until they hurt us, then hurt us again
Then we start to change, and cause all this pain
The cycle repeats, and it doesn't break
A product of trauma, oh God, what a shame
How we hurt those who come along the way
Leaving a trail of victims that complain
How we're too damaged and can not be saved

My life ain't where it's supposed to be
I'm losin people close to me
Didn't know cuts were supposed to bleed
Not a lie that was sold to me
And I'm standing by myself (Yeah yeah)
Staring at the clouds
I'm feeling hella down (Feeling hella down)

Yeah
Hurt people hurt people, I've been hurt plenty
Hurt people hurt people, and I've hurt many
It does upset me, knowing some resent me
Life was unsteady, hope they forgive me
I can't keep spending my life with regret
The way I was raised, it fucked with my head
That's why I find it so hard to connect
Maybe that's why I left every ex
I don't leave hating women so why'd I feel lonely
And ignore the fact that they had all their issues
And I self sabotage our future instead of acknowledging everything that I've been through
No, I forgive you, I wasn't perfect, 'cause you brought fame from a past
Mine made me fearful, yours made you hurtful, and that's why we didn't last
Some numb the feeling by taking prescription
But I numb the feeling by just sitting with them
I'm wishing that there was a way I could rid them
'Cause this hitting hard, like a two-car collision
This isn't me venting or looking for sympathy
This is me realising I need to commit to me
'Cause if I don't, I'ma keep living miserably
The feelings I'm feelin are crippling and

My life ain't where it's supposed to be
I'm losin people close to me
Didn't know cuts were supposed to bleed
Not a lie that was sold to me
And I'm standing by myself (Yeah yeah)
Staring at the clouds
I'm feeling hella down (Feeling hella down)